felt it?

have you ever felt that feeling..

that you are standing somewhere in between..

and you really don't know which way to go..

'coz your heart is on the other side,

while your mind shouts from the other.

...the big problem is...

you have no idea which one is RIGHT.

Wait for Me....

Maybe this is not the first time i felt like this

But I am sure that I'm missing you

And I'm wishing you will come back through my door
Why did I let you go? I could have let you know, so now I'm all alone.

I would like to stay but I did not give you a chance

With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand

And all my tears they, keep runnin' down my face

Why did I turn away?

I hate this pride that make me run and hide

I'm sorry, I am afraid to you.

If you know it's a lie and you know what I keep inside

This is not how I want it to be

So baby please do wait for me

'Cause I don't know what else I can say

I will not tell you that you ran out of time

It will not take the rest of your life

Baby please wait for me

I know it's hard but make yourself fine

I need you too in my life

You don't need to do much

Just wait for me

I've always been waiting for your message

Don't tell me you already forget about me?

Maybe you just have other reasons like being crazy?

I never walked away, everything for me is the same

Please tell me that you do the same.

I'm just waiting for the right time

I've heard enough but I want to see more of you

It's you who cannot look at me

Are you still in love with me?

Please do not leave me crying.

I am willing to start all over again

Better than how we started before

I will give you a chance and I will treat you right

Hear my heart, it's telling you that those are enough.

I will also be waiting for you.

Jom ^___^

This morning, I was thinking about putting a new post in my Facebook profile. Well, I thought of you. I wanted to post something about how I felt last night, exactly 11:05 p.m., November 16, 2011. You asked me this way, “.. Pde manligaw? J (Can I court you?)”

I was really surprised that you will be asking me that so soon. We just started texting five days ago. We still do not know each other well. But honestly, I felt happy and flattered and kilig, hahahaha! That is because I kinda like you even from the very first time I saw you. Every time I go the place where our eyes meet (the place that should not be mentioned here…or else I’m busted, hahaha!), I always go to the spot where I could see you. I always wait for you to look at me and, this is kinda funny, I am practicing how I will react if you do that. Hahaha! I try looking at your things, what you bring, and how your perfume smells like. I tried making ways for you to talk to me and to make kulitan with me, in which, I often fail. I also tried making ways for you to ask for my number, and the last time we talked, at last! I made it. Hahahahaha! I’m sorry. I just really find you good looking.

Back to the story, I asked you why. Then you replied, “.. Gzto kta.. pde ba o hnd?.. J ok lng kht fwend.. (I like you.. can I (court you)? It’s okay if we’re just friends..)” I do not know what to say. Like I said, I like you but something’s stopping me to say “yes, you can”. There is a long story behind this that I cannot tell you now. Then I responded’ “,eeh. anhirap naman nung tanong mo. hmm. ui sori ha? dq pa kc tlga iniicp yan ngaun. gusto q kc muna gumradweyt at magkawork para may pan-date aq, haha! J cguro nxt time pg iniicp q na un. sori tlga, huhu. pramis il be a very gud frend to u :)) mwaah. (Your question is difficult to answer. Hmm, I’m sorry? I am not thinking about those things yet. I want to graduate first and have a job so I can have money to use whenever I will go to date, haha! Maybe next time, if I’m already thinking about it. I’m really sorry. Huhu. Promise I’ll be a very good friend to you.)” Then you just responded, “It’s okay.”

I mentioned sorry several times because I am also sorry for myself… Sorry because I have to tell those words to you – words which are against what my heart really wanted to say. I honestly wanna give it a try, but I do not know how. With all the stories behind my decision, I do not know how to handle things. I cannot even tell the reason here because I think it’s no good. I am sorry. And I am sorry to myself.

I already had posted something on my Facebook wall, saying, “How hard it is to say no to someone who asks for your heart.........when it is actually you who secretly wants to have his heart even before he formally met you.”

Let’s see what our next story will be.

hugs!

i saw this post in Facebook and i found it really nice...well, because i could relate to it, haha! so i decided to blog it! just wanna share this post to all of you.

"People always think that when you sleep together, there’s always something thatis happening in between the sheets and the bed. But let me tell you, It’s not always like that. The feeling of actually hugging each other until you fall asleep, the warmth of each other’s breath, and the total happiness in the morning when you wake up right beside them. Everything may sound so good to be true, but sometimes it takes a lot of responsibility and love to be able to be as wholesome as possible. Sleeping with your special someone is one of the most heartwarming experiences you’ll ever have. No nothing, simply hugging and smiling yourself to sleep. ♥"

The Light

(this post is a response to the previous post entitled "speechless")

I have already figured out where to start.

...............

We were still young when our eyes met. It was not really meant for something special because, at some point, we do belong in one race. I may not exactly know how, but we are relatives. As kids and neighbors, we played everyday during vacations ('cause that's the only time we could see each other). I do not want to assume, but the way you looked at me, it seemed that you were up to something. And at this point, I want you to know, whatever it was, it simply made me smile.

Anyway, that something turned into nothing. We never had so much talk before. We did not even had chances to bond. We were not able to see each other regularly. I mean... there was really nothing. The only connection that we had was that "way he looked at me".

Now that were beyond our teenage lives (just two years beyond..=P) we met again. This time, I could say that (omg, i am having a very big smile on my face as I think of the words that will follow) we are having great times unlike before. This is actually the opposite of the previous paragraphs. We really really spend good times when we're together. We laugh until we cry. We say lots of things to each other. We do lots of stuffs. We sleep together (ssssshhh) and we do lots of crazy things. O-M-G. I so love it! as in! ^____________^

We joke around all the time. The jokes included the feelings we have for each other. He says sweet things for me, so do I. He says he like and love me, i do not. haha! But everything is a joke. (o0o00ps, i hanged in this part, taking couple of minutes for me to think and write the next part of the story) hmm.. that was on your part. on my part.....i am really not so sure.

This is where the conflict began, i think.

At first, i was not really that sure of your seriousness with your past relationship. That girl I know very well, you treated her as your last and true love, you said. The way you joke about your feelings for me, I thought I'll be having a chance to experience having you as my special someone. With this, my heart and my mind do not agree. My heart is blind, it always go with whatever will make me feel happy.. and be in love. On the other hand, my mind says so much things about you, negative things mostly. You are not the guy I want, honestly. You do not meet the standards (i am sorry). I know our relationship will be "us against the world". These are the reasons I met a friend named Confusion.

(A part of this story will be told on the next blog. It's quite a revelation so I did not include it here.)

With our bonding moments, we did things usually done beyond friendship. Well, not that far but still beyond the line. Until the day came that I felt so hurt...i never expected this. We had a very nice conversation that day. You opened up so many things. You told me secrets. You told me about your true feelings. At first, my gratitude for you overflowed. I was so happy that you opened up with me about so many things (knowing that you're a guy who is not fond of doing such thing) but at the end of the day, tears were overflowing.

You told me the words, "Just promise me not to fall in love with me, ok?" I do not know why I was so hurt. Was I falling in love? Am I already there? Or almost? I don't know. All I know is that I was hurt.

The heart and the mind shows different emotions. Heart is depressed, mind is kinda rejoicing. Heart wants to see him, mind wants to forget. Personally? I want the mind to win...just wanna avoid troubles.

To you, I call light, I understand your situation. You search for love. You search for something that you long to have. I may not know the whole story of your life but I do understand how you feel. Even though we cannot go beyond of what we have right now, I will always be her for you, sincerely loving you and caring for you. I stand with my promise..that while you still do not have that girl who will love you and be with you forever, I will put my self in her shoes for now.

Do not worry, I will also remind myself not to fall in love with you.

speechless

i wanna write something, pero di ko alam kung ano. i know at this moment i can be a good writer pero bakit walang lumalabas na output? i am so emotional and this is the key to create a very nice post.....pero di ko talaga alam susulat ko. i am actually thinking of clicking the "x" button to escape from this page because i know that this blog is none sense.. pero i still want to post this. haaaay. i hate you.. this is all because of you. someday, i'll be writing a blog all about you! and this feelings for you! hmf. hahaha. ewan ko sa'yo at mas lalong ewan ko sa'kin.

so eto, eto lang talaga ang masasabi ko muna sa ngayon. gusto kong ilabas ang nararamdaman ko sana through blog pero, like what i said, i don't know what to write, where to begin and how to end. i am so confused. whew! haaay.

Who is which?

I may be the perfect one, but I am not the right one.

weakness

I have this one attitude i cannot really explain.. hmm..

if there's one thing that could really hold me back, it's my fear of losing people. I don't just mean dying..even just losing the closeness I have with someone.

I always look for an "individual" -- someone who's kinda ideal for me and i cannot really tell you all the characteristics i want for that "individual" to have -- I want someone who can fully understand me, who will always be there for me, who will always listen, who is assured of not leaving me. I am not pertaining to a particular person, but I have seen some who can stand as that "individual".

Unfortunately, like what I've said, I have a not-so-good attitude. I do not know how I acquired it but if you ask me to narrate the very first time I learned about this attitude, I surely can.

Whenever I see a person who can play the role as my "individual", I do everything! as in e-v-e-r-y-thing! However, I am in an imperfect world..and we are not the only persons here. They always have other people whom they could spend more time with..more laughter..more secrets..more care..more feelings. More of everything they could give me. And this presses my syndrome button on.

Distance starts growing between us. I get jealous. I start getting irritated. I just shut up. I cannot look at their eyes. I cannot talk straight to them. I cannot hide my feelings no matter how I try (and this is the only situation wherein I cannot pretend I am really ok). Then people around me will start asking questions but none of them will hear the right answer.

FEAR. That's the root of it. I am wrong, yes. But how can pretend if it is what scares me most. I am afraid of losing that person. I am afraid that because of other people, he will forget me.. no more time..no more laughter..no more secrets..no more care..no more feelings. No more of everything I asked them once. Then my syndrome gets worse.

When I start acting so strange to that "individual", I also start feeling ashamed of myself. Ashamed of doing such inappropriate, none-sense and stupid actions. In addition to distance, walls begin to rise.

I am the one who created all these I-cannot-handle-pains. These scenarios just keep on repeating..showing that I am still not learning.

Sad.

For all those people, lass or lad, who will experience, who are experiencing and who already experienced these things from me, this is my message for you: I am so sorry. I really am. I am enveloped with fear. I hope you understand, even just some of the things I want you to understand. I desire to bring back all the best times we had together, hey! I still have them all here.. but I don't know how to begin the ending of this syndrome-atic story. The bottomline? I just love you so much! And you're someone I cannot afford to lose........though I just did. (-.-)

disappointed -.-

***I know this post is really not good but just let me use my freedom-of-speech lifeline. Thank you.

What have I done wrong??

I do not have any idea.. I know I should not feel this way.. Reading all their posts, realizing their achievements in life, how contented they are for they have what they need and want... me? where am i? Here. Sharing you these stupid and nonsense stuffs. Feeling so empty....

It seems that all the things I have done in my life are worthless. They did not build anything in my life. I have nothing to be proud of. I have nowhere to shout about. I even have no one.

Or maybe, better if I ask myself: "have i really done something in my life?"

This is insane!

From the very start, I have been telling myself I will show them blablabla.. Someday I will be like blablabla.. I will show everyone that blablabla... And I am already spending lots of years, still, I am letting myself believe in these lines.. What now?? Oh puh-lease.. look at them! they are still words!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There are people who looks at me as someone they wish they could be. They are so proud of me. They believe in me. A while ago, someone just told me, "No! Hindi ah. Wag ka nga ganyan. Don't say that. Taas-taas ng tingin ko sayo. =)" I also got a friend who's always telling me how lucky I am to be me, and whenever I tell him about someone I like, he immediately says, "Sino naman 'yang maswerteng lalaking yan??" **sigh**

Like what I've said, I know I'm wrong with everything I said. I'm sorry. (-.-) I know. I know.

*whew! I hope I can also see myself the way they do. I want to feel that I also have lots of things to be proud of although disappointments always come my way. And how I wish all those words will soon become reality.

What do I need? CONTENTMENT.

Note again.. =)

CHRISTMAS MESSAGE :)

by Trix Nieva on Tuesday, December 21, 2010 at 1:23am

Kakaread ko lang ng letter sakin ni daye na nasa notebook ko na sinulat nya ng napakaliliit habang nagkaclass kami sa 181 nung Thursday.kaya napagtripan ko kayong gawan ng letter dito sa fb haha pasensya sa mga tamad magbasa.

anyway, merry christmas bloc!!!. its christmas na. the best part of the year. pero para sakin any day could be the best if you're with the perfect crowd. haha naks rock on\m/!!!!! para tayong mga ice cream. magkakaiba man ng flavors masarap parin!haha

pero dahil christmas na.. gusto ko lang sabihing merry christmas!!!!yehey haha nasabi ko na. ok na kahit d nyo na basahin kasunod nitong note haha joke.

bloc, you're the leche to my plan, you're the stick to my O, you're the cake to my pan, you're the rain to my bow, you're the cheese to my stick, you're the fish to my balls (haha), you're the funny to my flick, you're the water to my falls. hahahaha oha! akoy isang makata. akoy natutuwa. ha-ha-ha. bow.

first of all,

daye: isa kang masarap at maraming chocolate chip toppings na coffee crumble!!!hahaha ang sarap mo nanggagaling sa pait ng coffee.haha labo. pero ganito kasi yan. as i was saying, haha, yung tawa nanggagaling sa mga problems mo. i admire your faith...and your love.natats ako sa meseyds mo sakin sa letter mo ba. haha lagi mo nlng ako tinatats.hihi anyway akala mo lang naloloko mo kami pag nagtatago ka ng problema. pero alam naming meron!ganun kami kagaling haha. we are just respecting your silence. minsan k lang kasi tumahimik. sinusulit na namin.hahaha i wish you happiness with everything. love, family, and within yourself :)))) we love you mwuah!

AM: isa kang isang galon ng double dutch.hahaha hindi kita kayang pagsawaan! hahaha sa inaraw araw na ginawa ni papa God you never fail to brighten up my day. haha cheer up babes. i wish you strength and courage. kelangan mo yan pag grad na kami.hehe pero malay mo masamahan p kita hahaha. pero kayang kaya mo yan! with the support of ate karen and ate carol. haha close n kmi ng mga ate mo no. and syempre with all our support. more tagays and more songs to sing!!!cheers haha

pat: isa kang buko pandan!! na green na green hahaha alam mo kung bakit? kasi lagi kang mabango. na kailangan mo talaga dahil madalas kang lumalabas ng di naliligo hahaha i miss you na pat as a housemate. haha kahit madamot ka ok lang kasi nagbibigay k naman minsan ng pagkain e. ikaw ang pressure sa cooker ko pagdating sa acads. pota pag kausap kita lahat na ng subjects napaguusapan natin! haha i wish you luck sa magiging carerr mo. sana wag ka maging kuripot pag yumaman ka. tangina naging housemate pa kita. andami kong napatay na ipis para sayo tas tataguan mo lang kami!hahaha more tagays and more songs to sing para satin nila am!!!

ruth: isa kang very rocky road. haha napakatigas mo. haha joke. andami mo din kasing mani. hehe pero sa totoo lang ang strong kasi ng personality mo honey. pero subalit datapwat lalaki din ang katapat mo. yiheeee. remember? tsk. sweet k naman honey khit mukha kang galit lagi. i wish you peace of mind haha baka sakaling magreflect sa image mo haha wag mo masyado dibdibin responsibilities mo honey. chillax lang. haha nraramdaman kong pressured ka. kasi ako psychic haha.

geli: isa kang 3in1 ice cream npkamoody mo kasi.haha but we understand. and we're becoming used to it. haha i wish you happiness and sweetnes sa lovelife parang ice cream hehe mejo matindi kp naman magmahal. haha kahit wala knang time para samen ok lang. TSK!!!

aika: isa kang strawberry ice cream. kasi kulay pink hahaha so girlieee you know. haha i wish you happiness and contentment. pota haba ng wishlist mo e. haha i really mean it when i said im happy for you and miko.we are all happy for you. haha naks

sarj: isa kang supreme chocolate ice cream :))) eh kasi simple lang pero yummyyyy!!!!!haha wag mong kakalimutan advise ko sayo ha. desperate measures call for desperate moves. haha goodluck sa lovelife mo. na tagilid nanaman at bka matagilid din ako!haha oh no. pero sana maliwanagan n kayo ni robert. bka mapagkamalam p akong may gusto sayo hahaha pero kung pagod kna, look at aika, madali lang humanap ng lalake jan sa tabi tabi. haha andito lang kami for you.:))))

shee: ikaw ay isang ice cream na wala nang ibublue pa! bubblegum!!!hahaha dahil sa aura mong astigin at laging chill. para kang batang siga hahaha! joke. nakakatakot. pag kelangan ko ng batok sayo ako lalapet haha. happy din ako sainyo ni anton. haha i remember carmelo days hihihi. anyway mukhang mas matured k p nga kesa sakin.haha go lang ng go!!!alagaan mo si baby franco. pero wag k munang gumawa ng baby franco ok?haha

sue: alam mo ba kung anong ice cream ka? haha ikaw yung cookies and cream na plus 1 sa 3in1 pus 1!hahahaha welcome to the club yow! sana d k nagsising napasama k samen haha kasi kami nagsisi haha joke. sa susunod na painom mo pupunta na ko!!hahaha pero sana iba na yung reason ng painom na yun. ikaw p naman idol ko magmahal. tsk. para sa mga katulad mong matatapang lang ang true love!hahaha i salute you! pero sana makahanap k ng right guy for you :)) at sana makinig k samen. haha wag tigas ulo. goodluck sa sp natin coadvisee!!haha

whew andami nyo napagod ako.haha anyway alam nyo b bloc may nabasa ako na d naman tlga december pinanganak si jesus. its actually march. december sya kasi dun nangyayari yung winter and summer solstice. next meeting ko na ididiscuss kung ano yun. the point is this is all psychological. nadadala lang tayo ng mga parol, belen, christmas tree, etc. sana khit walang mga christmas symbols lagi parin nating mafeel yung joy and warmth and love and peace of mind. hehehehe and yung spirit of giving and loving hahaha MERRY CHRISTMAS ULIT!!!! LOVE YOU BLOC. MWUAHHH

Note

Bloc yearbook WRITEUPS and titles

by Anna Monica Hernandez Esmas on Monday, January 31, 2011 at 11:34am

Dahil broken hearted ako, ito na lang ang ginawa ko para maibsan ang sakit. Haha.. Bale ako ang Bloc Testator. Lugi ata ako.

PATRICK HENRY BARRON (Paulit-ulit ka)

Open. Crazy. Happy. This guy from Batangas never fails to brighten up anyone's day with a usual wide smile matched with smiling eyes and wrinkles that only a Patrick Barron can give. He got the title 'PAULIT-ULIT KA' because some of his stories are repetitive, well most of his stories, rather. Despite him being the 'PAULIT-ULIT' guy, beware because the words coming out from his mouth are worth listening for those words can make you or break you! He usually talks about what subjects are critical and when you should take those subjects. So if you want to know every detail about ABM curriculum and DAM professors, Patrick is the perfect man to ask.

TRIXIA MARIA NIEVA (The Magic Trix)

The UPLB experience of Trix Nieva showcases an ideal stay that a UPLB student can desire. This girl from Albay proves to us that life is not just for acads but for exploring and at the same time, enjoying every aspect of it. Though a typical UPLB student is trampled by pressure, Trix manages to have the grace and the guts in everything she does. One thing that she never forgets to bring in her KIKAY kit is her MAGIC WAND that polishes every mess that she has got into. With a very optimistic mind she has, no wonder she has everything under control.

KARMIN MIKAIAH-ILI ILAGAN (The Contortionist)

Beauty? Brains? Talent? Aika Ilagan has this 3-in-1 package. Her love for the stage made her a member of Teatro Umalohokan and also became one of the batch's Iska for the Isko't Iska, a play done by freshmen. Also because of her passion for performing, she joined the UP Ravens and collected trophies with them. Her prowess in everything she does proves to us that there is more than just a pretty face. Titled as 'The Contornionist', Aika is flexible enough to fit in everything she needs and wants to do.

DIANNE SIENA (The Video 1/3)

Daye is the perfect example of an artist, the one that you can see in show business. Why? Because she can sing any tune, dance with every beat, act any scene, and project any emotion! Being 1/3 of 'The Video' is one of her part-time jobs especially when the deadline of project is TOMORROW. Despite the fact that DAM is not supposed to make artists, Daye's full-packed talent rocked CEM when she won the first place in CEM's Got Talent 2010.

ANGELINE DIOQUINO (The SCENTiment)

The wind blows a fresh scent. Someone should have passed by. Angeline Dioquino, that should be her. Who could forget the scent? The scent that pleases anyone's nose. Geli never fails to spray her soothing cologne to keep fresh smelling all day and all night and this makes her a crowd's favorite. But there is more to her than her scent. It's her sentiment for her sweetheart (ehem). Most of the time, quotes from her are sure of sentimental content. This brought her the title, 'The SCENTiment'.

(Hahaha geli sorry napakanonsense neto, yung amoy mo lang lagi naaalala ko e. Haha! Paamoy nga! HMMM bango!!)

SARAH JANE ESQUIVEL (The Pro Twitums Video 1/3)

Sarah is a pro. She has the guts to face the camera anytime as 1/3 of "The Video'. She is the girl twitums in the videos produced and directed by them-women's. Aside from making fun of her dancing and projection skills, Sarj holds the Bloc Book of Records title 'The Longest Relationship Ever in Bloc History'. Though there had been cuts in their relationship, it still counts to hold the record.

SHEILA MARIE YLANAN (The Babyface Videoraemon 1/3)

"Doraemon stuffs NOT FOR SALE". This sign should be posted on Sheila Ylanan's forehead. She got almost all Doraemon stuffs you can imagine, all for keeps! Obviously, no one would bother to ask what she wants as a gift. But to complete her set is the hardest task. Maybe her obsession for Doraemon keeps her young at heart and makes her hold the title for CEM's Got Babyface.

RUTH ABEGAILE GUZMAN (DEPRESSident)

She may look depressed and stressed but that is just Ruth doing her chores! For being the UP ABS president, Ruth Guzman tends to take care of other businesses rather than herself. Despite her leader-Hitler aura, inside is a feminine and fragile heart that seeks the attention of her long-awaited Machete. And when that Machete comes, DEPRESSident will now become HAPPYresident.

(Haha bhie pinilit ko.. sorry din haha)

ERMA SUZETTE YAP (The Last Suemurai)

Even usually last in roll calls, Sue makes sure she's not last in everything! She knows how to prioritize things and people. Usually, you would only see her in daytime when the sun is still shining [because it was hard to see at night (just kidding!)], busy walking at the streets of UPLB and doing acadamic-related stuffs because at night, when the sun goes down, she goes home in her loft at Bay. Even if it was hard for a UPLB student to study away from home, Sue still manages to do everything she needs to do and get good grades at it. She is a simple girl, but now she is infected by 'The Video' virus.

Shit ang hirap hahahaha... Di kasi makatulog sa gabi sa kaiisip. Sa diwa ko'y ikaw ang aking panaginip. Ayan tuloy. Ito ay puro POV ko lang. I love you bloc! Kayo na lang gfs ko!

Bloc Attendance... present!

Group Message

date: June 18, 2011

time: 02:16 p.m.

"ang daming cool na bagay sa mundo like magic TRIX. imagine, sa dami ng tao AIKAyo ang nakilala ko! good or bad, PAT or thin, SUElid ang samahan. mapa A.M. o p.m., go lang sa trip. SHEEnasabi ko na nga ba e, kayo ang RUTH of my happiness.. my ANGELINE disguise. SARAHng hae bloc.. =) "

Bloc Ring

While doing the things i should accomplish, I realized something...

During the times I felt so weary and tired and lazy,

I just held this ring..this ring where I can read the letters

B-L-O-C

Then I opened my eyes and all things were done.

It may be little...not that catchy to the eyes of many..

but it gives me strength and courage to step further.

I love it.

Thanks bloc!

...share lang...

Kahapon, I decided na sa campus na mag-stay because I have to finish my proposal paper kasi kailangan na agad i-submit the day after. So I went there yesterday afternoon after watching showtime. Nagdala ako ng gamit pang-overnight like extra clothes, towel, pangligo, etc. May dala din akong laptop so I could type my paper right away pero 'di ko naman nagamit kasi my friend A.M. lend me her laptop, a better laptop.

I stayed in the library the whole afternoon. Pero hanggan 5pm lang kasi ang library kaya naghanap ako ng maapgs-stay-an. Naisip kong pumunta ng dorm. Nagtext ako sa mga friends kong nasa dorm pa nags-stay. Luckily, one responded at pupuntahan daw niya ako sa lobby. Dahil past five na yun, sarado na 'yung office kaya madali akong nakapasok. Well, kahit naman nandun ang mga tao sa office eh makakapasok pa rin ako. hehe.

Nagtype ako ng konti pero as in konti lang talaga. Super wala akong idea sa isusulat ko sa proposal ko. 7pm na, kumakalam na ang sikmura ko dahil 11am pa yung huli kong kain. I texted A.M. and asked her to wait for me so we could eat dinner together. Sumakay ako ng jeep at pumunta sa kinaroroonan niya, pagkakita namin, sabi niya sakin may meeting daw siya. So kumain akong magisa.

Naglakad ako pabalik na dorm at lumipat sa ibang kwarto..sa kwarto kung saan nandun ung isa kong friend na si Karen. She let me use her bed because she will be staying in her friends' house. Nagtype ako ng paper ko with konting chika sa isa pang roommate at sa isang bagong roommate. I miss my "roomies".

I got bored actually habang iniisip ko ang hindi ko maisip na dapat kong isipin. So sinamahan ko ng pags-sound trip ang pagsusulat ko. Nagetext-text na rin ako sa bloc mates ko at sa iba ko pang pwede itext. Dahil dun, medyo nawili ako sa paggawa at nawala ang boredom ko.

Dahil imposible ko talagang matapos ang paper ko due to lack of sources, naisipan ko nang matulog. 2am na. PERO! bigla kong naisip na mag-isa lang ako sa bed at mukhang mahihirapan akong matulog. Dahil simula nang nakatabi ko si Sarah sa higaan, parang hindi na ako makatulog kapag walang katabi. tsk.

Luckily again, nakatulog ako. Dala na rin siguro ng pagod ko. Nagising ako isang minuto bago mag-alarm ang phone ko. Sumagot pa nga ako ng mga text messages kahit wala pa ako sa wisho. =D

DITO MAGSISIMULA ANG MAGANDANG PART NA EWAN KO KUNG TALAGANG MAGANDA....

that night, inakala ko din na matutulog ako sa lansangan kung wala man akong makitang place na matulugan. pwede sa waiting shed.. pwede sa mga tambayan.. o sa benches sa field..

friday morning, pumunta ako sa C.R. para sana maligo at maghilamos at magmumog. Pagdating ko ng C.R. ginagawa pala kaya ayun, walang tubig. Nagbihis ako, nag-ayos at umalis. Nakakhiya, ni pagmumog hindi ko nagawa. Agad akong pumunta sa may library ng college namin. Pumasok sa C.R. doon. Pagkalabas na pagkalabas nung dalawang babae, naghilamos ako agad, nagmumog at naghugas. Sarap ng feeling. Feeling ko kawawa din ako ng mga oras na yun. hehe.

Pumunta ako sa klase at nakipag-ingayan sa mga kaklase ko. Pagkatapos ng klase pupunta sana ako ng library para gumawa pero lunch break. Naalala kong lunch na nga at gusto ko ng kumain. Kumain ako kasama si A.M. Pagkatapos kumain diretso agad sa library pero sarado pa rin kaya dun ako gumawa sa hallway.

Nung bumukas na ung library dun ako gumawa hanggang 3pm at pinasa ang paper ko. Bitbit ang 2 mabigat na laptop at maraming gamit. Sobra ang bigat. Sobra talaga. Nakakasuko ang bigat. Pero nagpatuloy ako.

Nagpunta akong Agronomy, nagpunta ng SU, nagpunta ng Admin., nagpa-photocopy sa labas ng campus, nagpunta ulit ng Admin., pumunta ulit sa SU. Sobrang lalayo ng agwat ng mga buildings na yan pero kinaya ko, nanginginig na ako sa pagod.

Sa mga inasikaso kong papers sa SU, hindi ko alam na kailangan kong magbayad ng P50.00, whew! P70.00 nalang ang pera ko at sakto un na pamasahe ko. Pero wala akong nagawa. Umutang nalang ako sa kaibigan ko.

haaay. madami pang nangyari hanggang makauwi ako sa bahay. Kahit sobra na ang pagod na nadarama ko, kailangan ko pang maglampaso ng sahig pagdating sa bahay.

Ngayon? OK naman ako. At gusto ko ng magpahinga. Salamat sa'yo, lalo na sa'Yo!

Yes, I can.

If I am to do that thing I call...

passion

...then no one has to motivate me.

(~~.)

Forbidden

That was really a memorable moment for me ^^.

We held hands. Just like that.

no strange or exciting feeling...

but it gave me happiness =) ...

and sadness =( ...

for i know that no matter how tight i hold your hand,

after that prayer,

i just have to let you go.

but i will never forget that feeling..

when you filled the spaces between my fingers..

..just like filling my whole life too.

[sorry for this post.. this shouldn't be read by you.]

---> this feeling is not the way it seems to be. it's not the boyfriend-girlfriend thing. it's something extraordinary that only those people who know me very well, i mean really really really well, could fully understand. i am not carrying a feeling that could destroy anything. i am carrying a feeling that will give me that "thing" I've been searching for a very long time. a "thing" that is indescribable. a "thing" that only me and God know.

T.T

i just wonder..how does it feel to be you??? how blessed you are! ..family, friends, academics, finances, relationships, talents, faith..

but then, if there's really no chance for me to be you...then the only thing i could wish for is to be with you.

if only

if only i will be given a chance to be with you...

and if only you are willing to...

if only "we" will have the opportunity...

ill assure you of our best harmony!

*sigh*

i know our hearts are pointing on the same direction...

i believe we got the same passion...

play, sing, write, perform

it will be my pleasure to ride with you on our musics' vibration.

Star

i wanna be like a STAR..

...positioned above many

...looked up by plenty

...desired by dreamers

...reached by lovers

...can simply be loved by anyone

...sign of popularity

...filled with energy

...gives direction

...gives hope

...gives light

...gives joy

...always there, day and night

...and though the world is enveloped with darkness, it just shines so bright.

Difficult it may seem, yet i know someday.. somehow.. i will reach my dream and be a STAR.

please?

it is so hard to be in the place where things are obliged to be done rather than loved to be done..

i do not want to be here anymore! i am sick of doing these stuffs. everything is putting pressure on me and its crashing me!

i wanna go where my heart is. i just want to be happy...really happy. pleasssssssse???

ok. i know i can't.

Who am I to be loved....

by the man I love.

sad to realize that you cannot be with the one you love for he cannot love you the way you want just because you're not that ideal for him....if not, why is he with badly inlove with someone else?

the passer-by

[originally written: Jan. 28, '11; 1:56pm]

In the midst of nothingness
So drowned in darkness

Then you passed by
With a smile on your face
You waved your hand

I held my chest
It felt so much happiness
Instantly, I just had a reason to breath again

How great He is
He knows me so well
That in the most unexpected time
I was so blessed.