reflection paper in a rush!

dahil tamad akong tao, gumawa ako ng reflection paper ng hanggang 3 am. at ang pasahan ng paper ay 8:45am e may klase ako ng 7-8:45. haha! i will now share to you the result. ito na talaga 'yung pinasa ko. di ko na inedit para makita nating lahat ang mali ng rush n paper. hahaha.

Dianne S. Siena April 19, 2010

PSY1 – B2 Ms. Charmaine P. Galano

Perceived Self-Control

An individual’s self control greatly influences the other aspects of his/her life. Through this, we can identify who we are. We can also perceive how we respond to circumstances that may come our way. Self-control is connected with our thoughts and feelings, even the success and failure that we could have at hand. In addition to this, knowing what self-control is may be a tool for us to help other people.

I am the type of person who is deeply in love with music. I always assure that I do best in anything that is related to it. To prove this, I am part of the music team in our church and am one of the song leaders during worship services. I stand as the vocalist of our band and I also play instruments like the guitar. Because music includes songs, I consider myself as a songwriter. I am a part of the Wyre Underground of UPLB which is one of the dance groups here in our campus. I love to perform. I love the stage. Yet there are times that I lose self-confidence in doing such things. As a skill, I also think about myself as a joker who always brings laughter to people around me. I draw these shimmering smiles in their faces and that makes me happier. Though most of the time I really look stupid but it’s fine with me. As long as their happy and even just for a moment, I can help them forget the hardships that they have.

Passion is the word that is suitable to the things I have mentioned earlier. Doing these things I am good at makes me feel like walking on a bright endless road of happiness while hearing the most pleasing sounds of birds, trees, ocean and wind. It feels like I am embracing the person I love and I never want to let go. It is very fulfilling. I could even stop the clock and live at that moment forever. There is no weeping. Loneliness is certainly not in the picture. How I describe this kind of feelings reminds me of the moment I was singing in front of many people and I was able to see in their faces how glad they were listening to the music I am making. Also, I was reminded of the first time I let my friends hear the song I wrote which until now, they want me to sing it to them every time we are jamming together with my guitar.

On the other hand, of course, there are some things which I do not like but I am forced to do. The perfect example for me would by my academic works. With the past semesters, I noticed that I have been feeling so exhausted from all the things that I have to accomplish. Of course it is clear to me that everything that I am doing right now here in school are for my own sake but still, something inside me wants to give up. I feel like I just want to run away until I reach an empty space – no pressures, no works, nothing but myself. Crying is the first thing I want to do whenever I feel so tired and I am enveloped with so much pressure. Another example of this is following my instinct that my parents will not allow me to go to places I want to go, for instance is going to my godparent’s house just to visit and be with people I want to be with, that is why no matter how I desire to go there I cannot. I have to follow my parents and this gives me a feeling that everything is devastated.

The locus of control in which we view the things happening in our lives in two ways, due to our own hard works and due to our fate, helps us know ourselves better and aids us to become aware of what is nearly to happen as a result of how we behave right now. Between the two loci of control, I really cannot say if I have a hundred percent internal locus of control wherein I have a full control of my destiny or even a hundred percent sure that outside circumstances determine my fate or what they call external locus of control. I thought of some of reasons for this. I believe that all the things that I am doing right now serve as the addends that will give me the sum afterwards. Life is full of choices and it is always up to me which road to take. I also believe in the saying “What you reap is what you sow”. Planting an apple tree will not give me oranges at the time of harvest. Nevertheless, there are instances that I say, “If that’s what is meant to happen then let it happen”. This shows me of being dependent on destiny and not on my own doings. In this case, I consider the religious teachings – that God had already written the best story of my life and I always want His will to happen. If I will balance these loci of control, I may be more of the internal one. Let us take problems as an example. No one can totally avoid problems. It is part of our lives and God had already included these in our journey, yet, Him as the Architect of our lives, He included various paths. Because of the actions we do and the paths we decide to take, we can make these problems as easy or as difficult as it could.

When it seems that we already learned to let go of the strength that we have because of experiencing numerous terrible things in life and we feel that we can never have the possibility of changing these things, by now it is easier for us to understand what learned helplessness is. I think all of us have a time in our lives of feeling this way. And the best example I suppose is the most talked about topic of all time – love.

For the past years I have felt of falling in love, I just realized that those experiences were written with similar finale and those were not the happily-ever-after one for sure. It seems that no matter what I do, the relationships always end up me being left behind. Because of these repeated circumstances, I have decided to leave this part of my life for now and I even try to avoid it whenever I feel someone is trying to unlock my love life. I know that deep inside of me, there is a deep wound that is so hard to cure. This wound affects me to a great extent that it made me become a stranger to myself. This stranger before was someone who easily gives trust to every person she meets and who is free from fear of being left behind.

Self-control opened my eyes to some realizations. I was able to look at myself and know myself better. With the gained knowledge, I can now help myself to deal with a number of experiences that are yet to come. Plus, I can say that I am more prepared to give a helping hand to people who need my help or advices.

1-4-3 vs 5-4 :D

[ang topic na ito ay natutunan ko sa prof ko sa Psychology ngayong summer'10 na itatago ko na lamang sa pangalan na Ma'am Charm :) ...fun!]

Alin sa dalawa ang mas madalas mong gamitin/sabihin - 'i love you' o 'mahal kita'? Siguro kalimitan sa'tin, 'I love you' 'yung sagot. PERO alam mo ba na mas masarap pakinggan at sabihin ang 'mahal kita'? Nagpapahiwatig ito ng mas malalim na damdamin ng isang tao, nagpapakita ng mas wagas na kahulugan at nagpapahayag ng mas matinding pagmamahal para sa sinasabihan.

Sa 'i love you', i 'yung unang ginamit na salita. Pangalawa lang 'yung salitang love at huli 'yung you. Ang unang salita sa bawat pangungusap o sinasabi ng isang tao ay ang tumatanggap ng pinakamataas na antas na pagpapahalaga ng sumambit. Ibig sabihin, ang sarili ang pinakaimportante sa 'i love you', pangalawa lang ang nararamdaman, at huli ang taong sinasabihan. Mas inuuna pa ng taong sumambit ang kanyang sarili kaysa sa anu/sinupaman.

Ano namang mapapansin mong kakaiba sa pagsasalin ng 'i love you' sa tagalog? Wala ang salitang ako na katumbas ng i. Wala din ang salitang ikaw na katumbas ng you. Nasa unahan ang salitang mahal na nagpapakita na mas binibigyang prayoridad ang damdamin ng nagsasalita. Ang salitang kita naman ay resulta ng i + u. Nangangahulugang ang ikaw at ako ay pinagsama na at 'di na maaaring paghiwalayin pa.

hahaha.. o 'di ba ang galing? 'Di ko akalain na nakikinig din pala ako sa klase :) basta, nasisiyahan talaga ako sa klase kong 'to. Kasama ko pa ang malalapit kong kaibigan. Alam kong marami pa akong matututunan sa Psychology at ibabahagi ko lagi ito sa inyo :)

[share ko lang din] Kanina tinanong kami kung ano ang 5 una naming gagawin kung mayroon kaming super powers na kaya naming gawin ang kahit ano. Sa sobrang dami ng pwedeng isagot, ito ang naisulat ko sa papel ko:

1. lumipad,
2. pumunta sa mga lugar kung saan nandoon ang mga taong gusto kong makasama,
3. tulungan ang lahat ng taong nangangailangan, AT...........
4. lahat ng sinulat at ginusto ng mga kamag-aral ko.

hahahahaha...

12"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? ¹³And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. ¹⁴In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost. Matthew 18:11-14

Resulta ng walang tulog...

Sa 'di ko malamang dahilan, 'di ako nakatulog. Lumipat na ako ng higaan, wa epek. Tinutok ko na sakin ung malakas na fan, wa epek. Naglagay na ko ng unan sa paa, wa epek. Nagtakip nko ng unan sa mukha, wa epek. Nilagay ko na ang paa ko malapit sa ulo ko, wa epek. Bumaligtad ng posisyon, wa epek pa rin. Aba naman! Kulang nalang e kumuha ako ng dos por dos para ihamapas sa ulo ko at sabihing wa epek parin! Wala na akong nagawa. Pagtingin ko kasi sa binatana namin, sumisilip na ang liwanag na mula sa kalangitan, hudyat na kailangan ko nang bumangon at maligo. Maaga pa kasi ang simba. Sa totoo lang, di naman ganun kaaga, pero kasi ang layo ko. Umaabot ng dalawang oras ang biyahe at ayaw ko namang mahuli. Hindi ganun ang turo sa amin. Naligo ako at nahilo. Naririnig ko ang malakas na base drum s dibdib ko. 'Di ako kumain. Naubos ang oras ko s pagpili ng damit at paglagay ng achuchereche s muka ko. Wala kasing tulog kaya naisip ko mukha akong kakabangon lang sa lupa. Pagdating ko sa simbahan, di ko pa nabababa ang gamit ko e pinakakanta na agad ako. Naku! Gusto ko mang gawin, 'di ko kinaya. Wala akong tulog kaya inaatake nanaman ako ng pagduduwal ko. Sabi ng marami, anemic daw ako. E bata palang ako ganito na ako. Prep palang nraramdaman ko na to -- pag naeexcite, kinakabahan, masyadong masaya, masyadong madaldal, tawa ng tawa. Gnun. Pero thank God nawala din matapos akong magduduwal sa cr ng walang nakakaalam.

Anu nga bang dahilang bakit may mga taong di makatulog? Nag isip ako kahit sabi ng mga kaibigan ko e bungo lang ang meron ako at walang isip [lokohan namin yun parati].

• Gaya ng laging sinasabi ng marami, may nagiisip sa isang tao kaya di siya makatulog. Pwedeng dahil pinagpapantasyahan siya, o kaya may binasted siya, o kaya may gustong sabihin sa kanya kaya masyadong siyang iniisip, o kaya may nakakamiss sa kanya, o kaya mahal siya nung taong nagiisip sa kanya, o kaya pinagiisipan siya ng masama, o kaya naman e may kinauutangan siya.
• Dahilan din na siya naman ang maraming iniisip. Pwedeng dahil may pinagpapantasyahan siya, may gusto siyang bastedin at di niya alam kung panu sabihin o gawin, may namimiss siya, may lihim na minamahal, may pinagiisipan ng masama, o kaya naman e may gustong utangan.
• May tao namang sadyang emotera/emotero lang. Matutulog nalang at lahat-lahat, iisip pa ng mga bagay na makakpagbuhos ng kanyang mga luha. Isama pa 'yung sipon. 'Yung iba naman, problema na ng iba poproblemahin pa niya. Minsan trip lang. Masabing may thrill manlang ang buhay niya at di boring. Pero meron din namang seryoso ang pageemote. Taong lihim na nasakatan at nagsasarili ng mga nararamdaman. Marahil takot na di maintindihan ng mga taong di naman talaga siya kayang intindihin. Tapos di ka na nga naiintindihan, dami pang side comments at violent reactions.
• Meron namang mga taong hindi makatulog dahil may pinagdadaanan siya. marahil ay may nangyari sa mga nakaraan niya na sadyang nakakatakot, dahilan para hindi siya makatulog. na-trauma kumbaga. sabayan pa ito ng mga masasamang balitang naririnig at nababasa niya mula sa telebisyon, radyo o internet. dahil sa takot, hinihintay nalang nilang sumikat ang araw para maramdaman nila na ligtas na ang kapaligiran. kawawa naman sila. ang dibdib nila ay umaapaw sa kaba. sana lang hindi sila ma-nervous breakdown.
• Masyado nang laganap ang teknolohiya sa ngayon. Ito panigurado madalas dahilan ng 'di makatulog. May mga tao kasing gusto nang matulog pero kating-kati s pagtetext o pagkokompyuter. May iba pupunta s blogsite at mgpopost ng kung anu-ano tungkol sa mga taong 'di makatulog. Meron namang naghihintay ng text. 'Di na mahalaga kung importante o hindi ang mensahe, kahit nga ''ok'' n reply lang hinihintay pa e. Baka kasi magalit si katext, lalo pa't si juwa ang katext.

Sa dami ng nasabi ko, alin nga ba yung akin? Naisip ko lang. Panu ko nga ba 'to nasabi ng ganito kadetalye???

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

No matter which path we are travelling on, we must always put God first in our hearts. Let's trust Him in everything that we do and we have. We are weak and we cannot do anything without Him. Do not be ashamed of asking help from Him. That's what He wants because that's a way of being close to Him. Any burdens that we have, resulting to sleepless nights, let's lift them all to Him. Trust Him and let Him lead the way. Putting all these in His Hands means forgetting about worries and pains. All we have to do is have faith and wait for His plans for us -- plans that will answer all our prayers. Maybe not that as exact as how we wanted things to happen, but for sure that's the best for us. Just be patient enough.

my first..

this is my first entry and i really don't know where to start..

nalaman ko lang tong site n to dahil kay Tito Melvin [wow.. special mention.. tito ko xa pero ka-age ko lang din sya.. bale kc ung tatay nya e kapatid ng tatay ng nanay ko.. hahaha.. =D]

i hope i could really enjoy putting my thoughts and secrets [if i have the courage to reveal them here..] in this site.. and i also hope that you'll gonna enjoy reading them...

anu nga bang mga lalagay ko dito? sana naman di puro about s puso ang mailagay ko.. haha! boring man, mgpopost ako ng mga nangyari skin s buong araw, or week. wala naman kasi ako lagi dito sa bahay para mkapgonline. weekends mostly. weekdays kasi nsa LB ako for studies. so ayun!

i know my entries will help me realize lots of things and know what my mistakes are. sana matulungan ko rin kayo. i love to!