Monday, July 19, 2010

pwede ba?

the day i want to forget everything i did. everything that happened. i wrote a song for her. i had special plans for her to show how sorry i was for how i acted. but everything was just on my mind. wala manlang akong nagawa ni-isa. even this song, i was not able to let her hear this.

[Saturday, ‎June ‎26, ‎2010, ‏‎12:42:41 PM]

"PWEDE BA?"


I.

Apat na taong pagsasama, sasayangin pa ba?

Sa lahat ng gawain tayong magkasama

Bawat tawanan, iyakan, itatapon na lang ba?

Pangarap at dalangin ko’y tinupad mo na


II.

Sa lahat ng bagay ay kahati ka

Kwento ng buhay ko’y saulo mo na

Turingan natin ‘di na kayang sukatin pa

Nagkalamat lang ‘to pero buo ‘di ba?


Chorus:

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Pwede pa nating makita

Pagsasamahang tila walang katapusan

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Ang nakaraan nating dalawa

Pagkakaibigan walang mas hihigit pa


III.

Sinubukan ko ang mag-isa, ‘di ko kinaya

Nakita ko lang akong lumuluha

Pati tuloy ang buhay mo nagulo ko na

Patawarin mo ko, ‘di ko ‘to sinasadya


IV.

Marami akong pagsasala, inaamin ko ‘yun

Pero ang buhay na wala ka,

Para sa’n pa ‘to?


Chorus:

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Pagsasamahang titibay pa

Pagsubok lang ‘to para sa’ting dalawa

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Pangako ko ba’y nalimot mo na?

Sabi ko sa’yo ‘di ka mag-iisa


Coda:

Takot akong mawala ka

Takot akong maramdamang iniwan mo na

Oras mo ay mabawasan

Takot akong mapunta ka sa iba


Chorus:

Pero alam mo mahal kita

Kung sa’n ka masaya, susuportahan kita

Kaligayahan niyong dalawa’y hinihiling ko na

Katotohanan aking tatanggapin

‘Wag lang mawala pagsasama natin

Pwede pa natin ‘to ayusin ‘di ba?


Proverbs 12:26

A righteous man is cautious in friendship,

but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

ms. understood/ misunderstood

i know that i should never name myself that way.. but i don't wanna fool myself if that's what i feel. kahit man lang sana sa sarili ko maging totoo ako ng buong buo. i cannot remember the exact moment i started feeling this way -- that no one, as in no one, can ever fully understand me, except myself and God. by then i started talking to myself and to other things around me. kahit san basta not with people.

recently, i was broken. really. you know what my fear is. relationships always break me. kahit anong klasing relationship pa yan. not just boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. this time, just to be specific, friendship.

huli na nung nalaman ko why i reacted that way. i was enveloped with fear. think of this, they're all i have. tapos mawawala pa. felt that? the pain? the thing that brought me out of my mind? i made so many stupid stuffs. for the first time, sumuntok ako sa wall. i was hurt! pero wala yun sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.

everything started when i realized that a friend of mine can leave me because of her new special someone. until now, we haven't talked about that to clarify. and i can feel that we're still not totally okay. but our status now is absolutely better than the moment we were ignoring each other.

she didn't even bother to ask personally. then i knew, hindi pa pala talaga niya narerealize why i behaved that way before. wanna know my realizations? kahit kasi ako, huli na nung naintindihan ko yung sarili ko. not because i wanted to go with her that time she left me. and ABSOLUTELY not because ako wala pa e siya meron na. like what i said, knowing that the only thing you have will be snatched from you creates a deep wound. wound that cannot be healed. i am so scared na mawalan siya ng time for me (like what i can see and feel right now). i am so scared na kayang kaya na niya kong iwan o i-take for granted because she already have her someone. so para saan pa ako di ba? get it? or not? i understand if not. i always expect that way.

i never told her. and i am still planning not to tell her. for what? none sense. maybe i just have to remind myself with this all over again... 'immunity heals'.


Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.
Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.