Monday, October 14, 2013
Intangibles.
Last night, a really really special friend of mine told me na "nakakatuwa" daw ako. I asked her why aaaaaaaand, she immediately thought of 10 reasons. She's just so amazing right? Brilliant. ^_^
(copied from our conversation)
10. You value every detail - example yung pagsingit mo kay Turbo sa cover photo mo which is unnecessary naman talaga pero ang cute lang. I appreciate that. :)
9. you have an imaginary friend named Gino. You can isolate yourself and stand strong too.
8. Nagmumukha kang puppet pag nae-excite ka ^__________^
7. You always make me smile even in the worst situations. Masyado kang positive.
6. You can read my mind.. and I told you before I never met someone who can mirror my thoughts.. sobrang accurate mo. Naappreciate ko pag tinatanong mo ako kasi never ako magsasabi.
5. You're very honest, kind at the same time ignorant, things that people usually take for granted.. but I don't. You have this really weird belief in attachment pero di mo naman kaya iwasan.
4. Ang hilig mo mo manood ng animation.. parang bata.. and you get to feel jealous with an umbrella's possibility of falling in love. Funny lang.
3. Ang cute mo umiyak - even though di ko talaga nawitness.
2. Ang crazy at weird mo - two things I usually look for a friend. Entertaining eh. Haha. No dull moments.
1. .................................
(di ko nilagyan ng number 1 'coz I gave room for some of the wonderful things I don't know yet)
No one could measure how glad and blessed I am that i have her as my friend.
I love her so much.
Thank you Ate Maisy.
Thank you Lord.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
To my ADUP
Dear giiiiiiiirls,
I've been thinking about this since last Tuesday ata.
If you've never noticed, I was so cold last Tuesday and Wednesday.
But before I explain things, gusto ko magSORRY.
Nadadamay kasi kayo sa "kalokohan", "kabaliwan" at "kaabnormalan" ko.
As in super sorry. SORRY with all my heart.
I was cold kasiiiiiiii...
(siguro nasabi na 'to snio ni mami) mejo nainis kasi ako.
For one week na kelangan kong umuwi ng maaga dahil sa pagpunt akong ospital, parang andami na nangyari na di na'ko makarelate sa mga pinaguusapan niyo.
In short, naOP talaga ako nung Tuesday.
Well, di ako nagsalita coz I was thinking na mawawala din yun ng Wednesday.
Baka tinotopak lang din kasi ako nung Tuesday.
Wednesday came.
I was still cold. Colder, actually.
Pero mukha namang di niyo napansin yon.
So I sent an email (image quote about friendship) pero naka-BCC (yung di niyo kita kung sino mga sinend-an ko)
My two days of silence made me realize some things and I "quite" made a decision.
Naiinis ako pero di sa inyo. SA SARILI KO.
Alam niyo namang abnormal ako diba?
Naiinis ako kasi bakit ako ganito at ayaw ko na mandamay ng ibang tao.
Yung nagseselos ako sa gadgets niyo o kaya nagiging close na kayo sa ibang tao tapos pakiramdam kong naiiwan na ako or di na napapansin or nabibigyan ng importance..
OA ko lang di ba? Pero kasi, kayo lang pinagkakaabalahan ko.
At masakit lang sakin na may ibang pinagkakaabalahan yung mga taong tangi kong pinagkakaabalahan.
Tapos yung feeling ko na parang kayo na nga lang ang meron ako, nawawala pa?
Diba parang ampanget na dahil sa pagseselos ko lumalabas na dapat may mga bagay ako nirerequire sa inyo na gawin o ibigay niyo sakin NA HINDI NAMAN DAPAT.
O sabi saniyo abnormal ako eh.
Di lang naman sa inyo, may ibang tao din.
Mejo napapagod nako na eto nalang lagi ang dahilan ng pagiging moody ko. as in lagi.
So nagisip ako ng way para tapusin na ang paghihirap ko (mejo naawa nako sa sarili ko eh) at pandadamay ko ng ibang tao (mas naawa kasi ako sa inyo).
Ayaw ko narin naman kasi makagulo ng ibang tao o makasira ng buhay ng ibang tao dahil lang sa sira ko sa ulo.
Hmmmmmmmmmm... Mejo gusto ko na maging loner.
(weeeeeell, diko alam kung pano talaga to mangyayari eh super friendly kong tao)
I mean, friends ko pa din naman kayo (at ang ibang tao) at wala namang dapat magbago sa pakikitungo niyo sa'kin.
Ayawko nalang din siguro maging close sa kahit kanino.
Pag kasi ganon parang mejo selfish yung dating ko.
Yung mabilis ako magselos. Tapos diba syempre may mga ineexpect ka din naman from your close peeps at super ang disappointments ko pag fail yon.
ok lang naman na walang magbago sa relationship niyo towards me (from you to me) at nandito parin naman ako para sa inyo.
pero gusto ko na lagyan ng limitations yung relationship ko towards you (from me to you).
pero ayun nga.
eto analogy o:
LONER = WALANG KACLOSE = WALANG ATTACHMENT = WALANG SEPARATION = WALANG SEPARATION ANXIETY
gets niyo?
haaaay. diko talaga alam pano ko to ieexplain sa inyo sa paraang maiintindihan niyo eh.
the night na tinext niyo ako para sabihing may forum kinabukasan, umiiyak nako ng gabi kasi diko alam pano ko to sasabihin at diko alam kung tama ba tong tumatakbo sa utak ko.
Yung feeling ko kasi na lahat ng relationship na dumadating sa buhay ko, kahit anong klaseng relationship man yan,
eh nauuwi lang din naman sa iwanan? yung ganon.
Ewan ko.
Dun kasi sa pinagdadaanan ko ngayon, yung nagiisang taong sigurado akong di ako iiwan eh nawala na. so parang sino pang may di kayang gumawa diba?
ayun. nakakainis lang kahit ayaw ko maramdaman at maisip ang ganto, ang bitter bitter ko na at di ko na mabago yung way ng pagiisip kong to.
ni ayaw ko na nga marinig yung ganon. ayaw ko narin maniwala sa ganon. >.<
Sorry ah? Alam ko at some point mahuhurt kayo sa mga sinasabi ko kasi parang wala akong trust sanio
peeeeeroooooooooooooo ganon kasi talaga eh. :'(
ayun, ewan. basta. diko nga kasi alam pano na.
o may pinagdadaanan lang talaga ko?
basta. ayun. ewan. diko na alam sasabihin ko.
SORRY. SALAMAT.
I've been thinking about this since last Tuesday ata.
If you've never noticed, I was so cold last Tuesday and Wednesday.
But before I explain things, gusto ko magSORRY.
Nadadamay kasi kayo sa "kalokohan", "kabaliwan" at "kaabnormalan" ko.
As in super sorry. SORRY with all my heart.
I was cold kasiiiiiiii...
(siguro nasabi na 'to snio ni mami) mejo nainis kasi ako.
For one week na kelangan kong umuwi ng maaga dahil sa pagpunt akong ospital, parang andami na nangyari na di na'ko makarelate sa mga pinaguusapan niyo.
In short, naOP talaga ako nung Tuesday.
Well, di ako nagsalita coz I was thinking na mawawala din yun ng Wednesday.
Baka tinotopak lang din kasi ako nung Tuesday.
Wednesday came.
I was still cold. Colder, actually.
Pero mukha namang di niyo napansin yon.
So I sent an email (image quote about friendship) pero naka-BCC (yung di niyo kita kung sino mga sinend-an ko)
My two days of silence made me realize some things and I "quite" made a decision.
Naiinis ako pero di sa inyo. SA SARILI KO.
Alam niyo namang abnormal ako diba?
Naiinis ako kasi bakit ako ganito at ayaw ko na mandamay ng ibang tao.
Yung nagseselos ako sa gadgets niyo o kaya nagiging close na kayo sa ibang tao tapos pakiramdam kong naiiwan na ako or di na napapansin or nabibigyan ng importance..
OA ko lang di ba? Pero kasi, kayo lang pinagkakaabalahan ko.
At masakit lang sakin na may ibang pinagkakaabalahan yung mga taong tangi kong pinagkakaabalahan.
Tapos yung feeling ko na parang kayo na nga lang ang meron ako, nawawala pa?
Diba parang ampanget na dahil sa pagseselos ko lumalabas na dapat may mga bagay ako nirerequire sa inyo na gawin o ibigay niyo sakin NA HINDI NAMAN DAPAT.
O sabi saniyo abnormal ako eh.
Di lang naman sa inyo, may ibang tao din.
Mejo napapagod nako na eto nalang lagi ang dahilan ng pagiging moody ko. as in lagi.
So nagisip ako ng way para tapusin na ang paghihirap ko (mejo naawa nako sa sarili ko eh) at pandadamay ko ng ibang tao (mas naawa kasi ako sa inyo).
Ayaw ko narin naman kasi makagulo ng ibang tao o makasira ng buhay ng ibang tao dahil lang sa sira ko sa ulo.
Hmmmmmmmmmm... Mejo gusto ko na maging loner.
(weeeeeell, diko alam kung pano talaga to mangyayari eh super friendly kong tao)
I mean, friends ko pa din naman kayo (at ang ibang tao) at wala namang dapat magbago sa pakikitungo niyo sa'kin.
Ayawko nalang din siguro maging close sa kahit kanino.
Pag kasi ganon parang mejo selfish yung dating ko.
Yung mabilis ako magselos. Tapos diba syempre may mga ineexpect ka din naman from your close peeps at super ang disappointments ko pag fail yon.
ok lang naman na walang magbago sa relationship niyo towards me (from you to me) at nandito parin naman ako para sa inyo.
pero gusto ko na lagyan ng limitations yung relationship ko towards you (from me to you).
pero ayun nga.
eto analogy o:
LONER = WALANG KACLOSE = WALANG ATTACHMENT = WALANG SEPARATION = WALANG SEPARATION ANXIETY
gets niyo?
haaaay. diko talaga alam pano ko to ieexplain sa inyo sa paraang maiintindihan niyo eh.
the night na tinext niyo ako para sabihing may forum kinabukasan, umiiyak nako ng gabi kasi diko alam pano ko to sasabihin at diko alam kung tama ba tong tumatakbo sa utak ko.
Yung feeling ko kasi na lahat ng relationship na dumadating sa buhay ko, kahit anong klaseng relationship man yan,
eh nauuwi lang din naman sa iwanan? yung ganon.
Ewan ko.
Dun kasi sa pinagdadaanan ko ngayon, yung nagiisang taong sigurado akong di ako iiwan eh nawala na. so parang sino pang may di kayang gumawa diba?
ayun. nakakainis lang kahit ayaw ko maramdaman at maisip ang ganto, ang bitter bitter ko na at di ko na mabago yung way ng pagiisip kong to.
ni ayaw ko na nga marinig yung ganon. ayaw ko narin maniwala sa ganon. >.<
Sorry ah? Alam ko at some point mahuhurt kayo sa mga sinasabi ko kasi parang wala akong trust sanio
peeeeeroooooooooooooo ganon kasi talaga eh. :'(
ayun, ewan. basta. diko nga kasi alam pano na.
o may pinagdadaanan lang talaga ko?
basta. ayun. ewan. diko na alam sasabihin ko.
SORRY. SALAMAT.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Team Meeting-slash-Forum .....?
We had our weekly meeting in office and we've noticed that our productivity and quality is going down. Well, I admit, am quite one of the reasons.
Hindi ko din alam kung bakit pero sobrang baba ng productivity at quality ko. Compared before, I can reach more than 150% productivity and almost 100% quality. Now, I only had around 20% productivity and 60% quality. *sigh*
Pero di 'yun yung dahilan kung bakit ako napablog ng wala sa oras. During our meeting, inisa-isa kami ng TL (team leader) namin what motivates us to achieve our goals in work. Luckily, ako yung pangalawa sa huling matatawag due to sitting arrangement.
Kinakabahan ako.
'Di ko kasi alam isasagot ko.
Nakikinig lang ako sa mga sinasabi nila. Tumatawa. Nag-aagree. Nagcocomment.
Nakalimutan kong maghanda ng sasabihin ko.
One. Two. Three.
Malapit na'ko matawag.
Wala pa'din akong maisip na isagot.
Then I just saw myself continuously drawing a sign of inifity on a piece of paper.
Tulala.
Nag-iisip ng........ wala.
Sunod na'ko.
*lub dub lub dub lub dub*
Inisip ko nalang kung gagayahin ko ba 'yung sagot ng teammates ko.
Pressure? Eh dati naman wala akong naffeel na pressure tsaka parang immune na'ko sa pressure. Baka di din umepek.
Food? Pwede na. Pero wala ako sa mood magjoke.
Rewards? Eh nung naawardan ako last quarter nainspire naman ako pero bakit since then, kabaligtaran ang nangyari?
Wala akong masagot. -_-
"Oh ikaw Daye?"
I was still drawing that infinty sign on the paper.
Hmmm.. Di'ko po alam madam eh.
And tears fell from my eyes.
Hindi ko po talaga alam eh. Di naman po kasi ako ganto diba? Di ko po talaga alam. Sabi nga po ni Ate Clang ang dedicated ko sa work ko eh. Ginagawa ko naman po kasi trabaho ko, kaya nga po ako nagapply kasi para magtrabaho diba? Responsable naman po ako. Di ko lang po talaga alam.
They were surprised.
So as I.
Was I disappointed of my quality and productivity?
Or because my day didn't start right?
Or because of.....
But what surprised me most, aside from their silence and pity for me is this:
Nako ate (TL), may pinagdadanan siguro si Daye.
Antahimik na nga niya.
Diko na siya maramdaman gaya ng dati.
My teammate said.
Really? I never thought they'd noticed that.
I never knew I was quiet. I still think am not.
Oo, may pinagdadaanan ako, but was it that obvious?
*Sigh*
Weeeeell, guess I was right.
You are all I have.
So when you went away,
nothing was left for me.
Hindi ko din alam kung bakit pero sobrang baba ng productivity at quality ko. Compared before, I can reach more than 150% productivity and almost 100% quality. Now, I only had around 20% productivity and 60% quality. *sigh*
Pero di 'yun yung dahilan kung bakit ako napablog ng wala sa oras. During our meeting, inisa-isa kami ng TL (team leader) namin what motivates us to achieve our goals in work. Luckily, ako yung pangalawa sa huling matatawag due to sitting arrangement.
Kinakabahan ako.
'Di ko kasi alam isasagot ko.
Nakikinig lang ako sa mga sinasabi nila. Tumatawa. Nag-aagree. Nagcocomment.
Nakalimutan kong maghanda ng sasabihin ko.
One. Two. Three.
Malapit na'ko matawag.
Wala pa'din akong maisip na isagot.
Then I just saw myself continuously drawing a sign of inifity on a piece of paper.
Tulala.
Nag-iisip ng........ wala.
Sunod na'ko.
*lub dub lub dub lub dub*
Inisip ko nalang kung gagayahin ko ba 'yung sagot ng teammates ko.
Pressure? Eh dati naman wala akong naffeel na pressure tsaka parang immune na'ko sa pressure. Baka di din umepek.
Food? Pwede na. Pero wala ako sa mood magjoke.
Rewards? Eh nung naawardan ako last quarter nainspire naman ako pero bakit since then, kabaligtaran ang nangyari?
Wala akong masagot. -_-
"Oh ikaw Daye?"
I was still drawing that infinty sign on the paper.
Hmmm.. Di'ko po alam madam eh.
And tears fell from my eyes.
Hindi ko po talaga alam eh. Di naman po kasi ako ganto diba? Di ko po talaga alam. Sabi nga po ni Ate Clang ang dedicated ko sa work ko eh. Ginagawa ko naman po kasi trabaho ko, kaya nga po ako nagapply kasi para magtrabaho diba? Responsable naman po ako. Di ko lang po talaga alam.
They were surprised.
So as I.
Was I disappointed of my quality and productivity?
Or because my day didn't start right?
Or because of.....
But what surprised me most, aside from their silence and pity for me is this:
Nako ate (TL), may pinagdadanan siguro si Daye.
Antahimik na nga niya.
Diko na siya maramdaman gaya ng dati.
My teammate said.
Really? I never thought they'd noticed that.
I never knew I was quiet. I still think am not.
Oo, may pinagdadaanan ako, but was it that obvious?
*Sigh*
Weeeeell, guess I was right.
You are all I have.
So when you went away,
nothing was left for me.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
Most Memorable
'Twas a weekend.
Walking in a place where people are fond of going.
A place where everyone can see the sun, slowly hiding on the line where the sky and the ocean meet.
People were everwhere.
Faces were in different emotions.
Noises were undifferentiated.
All of a sudden, our steps paused.
He went down on his knees to tie his shoelaces.
I was busy watching a funny street performer.
Smile was on my face.
All of a sudden, the world was in slow motion.
I felt tiny fingers filling the spaces between mine.
It filled every emptiness within me.
The feeling was indescribable, amazing, peculiar.
The kind of feeling that everyone would crave for.
Beating hearts were falling from the sky.
Fireworks were like part of the stars that twinkle up high.
If only I could stop the ticking of the clock, I would do it at the very second.
I never wanted to let go.
I never wanted to make a step forward.
I never wanted him to be parted from my hands.
I never wanted that moment to end.
If only I could talk to Einstein, I would ask him to make a formula of eternity.
Or talk to the wicked witch and ask for a potion that put that second in perpetuity.
Or, hmm, talk to him and just ask him to let go of the hand......after infinity.
Walking in a place where people are fond of going.
A place where everyone can see the sun, slowly hiding on the line where the sky and the ocean meet.
People were everwhere.
Faces were in different emotions.
Noises were undifferentiated.
All of a sudden, our steps paused.
He went down on his knees to tie his shoelaces.
I was busy watching a funny street performer.
Smile was on my face.
All of a sudden, the world was in slow motion.
I felt tiny fingers filling the spaces between mine.
It filled every emptiness within me.
The feeling was indescribable, amazing, peculiar.
The kind of feeling that everyone would crave for.
Beating hearts were falling from the sky.
Fireworks were like part of the stars that twinkle up high.
If only I could stop the ticking of the clock, I would do it at the very second.
I never wanted to let go.
I never wanted to make a step forward.
I never wanted him to be parted from my hands.
I never wanted that moment to end.
If only I could talk to Einstein, I would ask him to make a formula of eternity.
Or talk to the wicked witch and ask for a potion that put that second in perpetuity.
Or, hmm, talk to him and just ask him to let go of the hand......after infinity.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
-_-
Earlier this morning
Before the sun showed the light it's bringing
With my eyes that are sleepy,
I stared at you so closely.
I looked at every details on your face,
The lips, the eyes and the expressions you made.
In darkness I tried to put my hands on your shoulders
But I failed, seemed there was something that hindered.
I wanted to ask you if you're angry or not okay
But I never found the courage to say.
All I did was to whisper the words
And just hoped they could enter your world.
Then something hit me really hard.
Here, straight to my heart.
Really deep I was thinking
Of all the mess in your life I am bringing.
In the darkness, is it where I am taking you?
On the side of the road where you are not suppose to?
I am sorry. I am sorry.
With a true blue heart, I am really sorry.
Now I have a decision to make
Not considering the pain I know I cannot take.
I am choosing to break my heart,
Than to see you falling apart.
And what we have will never be gone
Even all the unsaid and undone.
Before the sun showed the light it's bringing
With my eyes that are sleepy,
I stared at you so closely.
I looked at every details on your face,
The lips, the eyes and the expressions you made.
In darkness I tried to put my hands on your shoulders
But I failed, seemed there was something that hindered.
I wanted to ask you if you're angry or not okay
But I never found the courage to say.
All I did was to whisper the words
And just hoped they could enter your world.
Then something hit me really hard.
Here, straight to my heart.
Really deep I was thinking
Of all the mess in your life I am bringing.
In the darkness, is it where I am taking you?
On the side of the road where you are not suppose to?
I am sorry. I am sorry.
With a true blue heart, I am really sorry.
Now I have a decision to make
Not considering the pain I know I cannot take.
I am choosing to break my heart,
Than to see you falling apart.
And what we have will never be gone
Even all the unsaid and undone.
Monday, April 8, 2013
I'm Hurt
I am begging to my self,
"Daye, please stop.
Let's just stop what we're doing and what we're feeling.
It's not helping us.
It's not bringing us up.
It's not right. You know that.
Please, Daye. I'm already in so much pain.
I can't hold it anymore."
But how can I let go of this?
How can I teach my heart to forget?
This causes me to cry out of nowhere.
This causes me to be silent all of a sudden.
You.
You make me laugh and cry at the same time.
You are a sweet pain of mine.
So help me God.
"Daye, please stop.
Let's just stop what we're doing and what we're feeling.
It's not helping us.
It's not bringing us up.
It's not right. You know that.
Please, Daye. I'm already in so much pain.
I can't hold it anymore."
But how can I let go of this?
How can I teach my heart to forget?
This causes me to cry out of nowhere.
This causes me to be silent all of a sudden.
You.
You make me laugh and cry at the same time.
You are a sweet pain of mine.
So help me God.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Secret Love
Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't? Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't? You fall deeper with each passing day, But try to hide it in every possible way. He's only a friend, and nothing else...That's the lie you keeping telling yourself. You keep on saying he's just a bud, But deep inside, you're falling in love. You get so giddy when you meet his eyes, But keep reminding yourself it isn't right. A simple glance turns into a stare, But you pretend that you don't care. It's not right for you two to be. Is that why you hide it so no one can see? But how long will you pretend? Keep lying that he's just a friend? Perhaps your feelings you can never show. Perhaps it's wrong for him to know. Your friendship can't be risked over this, So being his girl is an impossible wish... 
(from searchquotes.com)
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
My Heart
Someone saw me keeping my locket necklace under my shirt.
She said, "Why are you keeping it? Show it."
Quietly, I whispered, "If only you knew what's inside, you'll say, 'Do not keep it nor have it. Junk it.'"
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Sorry that I Love You
I am confused.
I know I should not, but I can still see myself standing where I am not supposed to.
How can I have the courage to take a step when all I wanted is to be where I am right now?
How can I have the courage to let go of the hands that fills the spaces between my fingers, filling the spaces of my life too?
How can I have the courage to open up my heart and let you understand everything when I know that after doing such things, you will change and nothing will remain?
Everyday I suffer from the pain I have inside.
Caused by these words left unspoken and actions left undone.
But if I think more about it, I would still choose to suffer...
than to see you walk away.
To my heart I am sorry.
I once promised I will take care of you and keep you away from people who might hurt you.
But now it is me who puts you into agony and pain and suffering.
Do not worry, I know this pain is temporary.
If I already found the door that leads to betterness and if I already have the courage to open it,
you will be stronger and happier.
There are no regrets.
There are no mistakes.
All these are worth it.
Let's just wait. And wait. And wait.
For now, let's just smile. And cry. And smile.
To you, I love you. And I am sorry for loving you.
You are the person I could never afford to lose.
I know I should not, but I can still see myself standing where I am not supposed to.
How can I have the courage to take a step when all I wanted is to be where I am right now?
How can I have the courage to let go of the hands that fills the spaces between my fingers, filling the spaces of my life too?
How can I have the courage to open up my heart and let you understand everything when I know that after doing such things, you will change and nothing will remain?
Everyday I suffer from the pain I have inside.
Caused by these words left unspoken and actions left undone.
But if I think more about it, I would still choose to suffer...
than to see you walk away.
To my heart I am sorry.
I once promised I will take care of you and keep you away from people who might hurt you.
But now it is me who puts you into agony and pain and suffering.
Do not worry, I know this pain is temporary.
If I already found the door that leads to betterness and if I already have the courage to open it,
you will be stronger and happier.
There are no regrets.
There are no mistakes.
All these are worth it.
Let's just wait. And wait. And wait.
For now, let's just smile. And cry. And smile.
To you, I love you. And I am sorry for loving you.
You are the person I could never afford to lose.
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