Team Meeting-slash-Forum .....?

We had our weekly meeting in office and we've noticed that our productivity and quality is going down. Well, I admit, am quite one of the reasons.

Hindi ko din alam kung bakit pero sobrang baba ng productivity at quality ko. Compared before, I can reach more than 150% productivity and almost 100% quality. Now, I only had around 20% productivity and 60% quality. *sigh*

Pero di 'yun yung dahilan kung bakit ako napablog ng wala sa oras. During our meeting, inisa-isa kami ng TL (team leader) namin what motivates us to achieve our goals in work. Luckily, ako yung pangalawa sa huling matatawag due to sitting arrangement.

Kinakabahan ako.

'Di ko kasi alam isasagot ko.

Nakikinig lang ako sa mga sinasabi nila. Tumatawa. Nag-aagree. Nagcocomment.
Nakalimutan kong maghanda ng sasabihin ko.

One. Two. Three.
Malapit na'ko matawag.
Wala pa'din akong maisip na isagot.

Then I just saw myself continuously drawing a sign of inifity on a piece of paper.
Tulala.
Nag-iisip ng........ wala.

Sunod na'ko.
*lub dub lub dub lub dub*

Inisip ko nalang kung gagayahin ko ba 'yung sagot ng teammates ko.

Pressure? Eh dati naman wala akong naffeel na pressure tsaka parang immune na'ko sa pressure. Baka di din umepek.

Food? Pwede na. Pero wala ako sa mood magjoke.

Rewards? Eh nung naawardan ako last quarter nainspire naman ako pero bakit since then, kabaligtaran ang nangyari?

Wala akong masagot. -_-

"Oh ikaw Daye?"

I was still drawing that infinty sign on the paper.

Hmmm.. Di'ko po alam madam eh.
And tears fell from my eyes.

Hindi ko po talaga alam eh. Di naman po kasi ako ganto diba? Di ko po talaga alam. Sabi nga po ni Ate Clang ang dedicated ko sa work ko eh. Ginagawa ko naman po kasi trabaho ko, kaya nga po ako nagapply kasi para magtrabaho diba? Responsable naman po ako. Di ko lang po talaga alam.

They were surprised.
So as I.
Was I disappointed of my quality and productivity?
Or because my day didn't start right?
Or because of.....

But what surprised me most, aside from their silence and pity for me is this:

Nako ate (TL), may pinagdadanan siguro si Daye.
Antahimik na nga niya.
Diko na siya maramdaman gaya ng dati.
My teammate said.

Really? I never thought they'd noticed that.
I never knew I was quiet. I still think am not.
Oo, may pinagdadaanan ako, but was it that obvious?

*Sigh*
Weeeeell, guess I was right.
You are all I have.
So when you went away,
nothing was left for me.