Dear Ms. She

gusto ko lang mag-explain.. gusto ko kasing ayusin lahat. pero mukhang walang opportunity para makapagusap tayo ng maayos in person.

well, it started nung magkareunion kame in a networking account. naging close kame dahil sem-break nun at kame lang ang madalas na mag-online. napadalas ang paglolokohan namin at pagkekwentuhan. nagkapalagayan kame ng loob. well, 'di ko pa naman talaga siya kilala nun. ang tangi ko lang naman alam about sa love life niya e nagkagirlfriend siya at ung ex niya na un, ikaw, e love pa siya pero may boyfriend ka na. ayun lang.

nung time na nagbonding kame dito sa bahay..that was the only time na nalaman ko ang lahat. dun ko lang nalaman na mutual pa pala ang feelings niyo sa isa't isa. nagulat talaga ako. kung alam ko lang kasi na ganun ang sitwasyon, e 'di sana nung una palang naging careful na ako at 'di ko na masyadong inenjoy ang pagiging close namen na nauwi into something a little bit, just a little bit, beyond that.

nung nalaman ko na mahal na mahal ka pa pala niya at mahal na mahal mo pa talaga siya, nagisip akong mabuti. inisip ko kung ano ba talaga ang dapat kong gawin at kung ano nga ba talaga ang kintatatayuan ko.

dumating 'yung time na naguluhan na siya. naisip ko ako yung dahilan ng pagkagulo ng lahat kaya ginusto kong lumayo nalang. kung hindi naman kasi dahil sakin "perfect" na ang lahat di ba? mahal mo siya..tapos..mahal ka niya. 

ok na sakin at tanggap ko na na kayo ang dapat na maging ok. ok lang din naman kasi ako. inaamin kong napalapit na talaga siya sakin pero hanggang dun nalang 'yun, 'wag ka magalala mawawala din 'to. di ko na nga pinapansin =)

nung nasabi niya sa'kin na nasabi na nga niya sa'yo 'yung tungkol dito, sobrang nahihiya na ako sa'yo. gusto ko malaman lahat ng nararamdaman mo. gusto ko rin malaman kung ano iniisip mo o kung may mga tanong ka. gusto kong maging malinaw ang lahat. kaya nga sobrang ginusto din kitang kausapin.

sa totoo lang, kung nakausap ko siya ng maayos, sasabihin kong hindi na siya dapat maguluhan pa at dapat na niyang ituloy ang pagbalik sayo. di ba sabi ko nga din sa'yo tutulungan kita. sinabi ko din sa kanya na tutulungan ko siya. walang halong kaplastikan 'yun. gusto ko talaga kayong maging ok.

pasensya na talaga. pasensya. pasensya. 'di ko sinasadyang manggulo. alam kong 'di naman ako dapat mag-sorry dahil inosente din naman ako sa mga naganap pero sorry pa rin.

hindi ko magawang lumayo. gusto ko kasing maging kaibigan niyo parin ako. nangako din kasi ako sa kanya na hindi ko siya iiwan ano man ang maging desisyon niya. isa pa, ayaw ko talaga 'yun gawin sa kahit kanino. ayaw kong may iniiwan ako dahil iyon ung pinakaayaw kong ginagawa sa'kin. 'di ko rin kayang mawalan pa ng kaibigan.. kaya sana hangga't maari maayos natin. 

salamat. sana hindi ka galit sakin. sana naiintindihan mo ako. 

masaya ako para sa inyo at lagi lang akong nandito. 

God bless..

Daye =)))

if it is not him...it's not him.

i can't breath. pain is embracing me so much that i cannot take any air from the outside. i was wrong....again.

i thought i found him. the guy who will make everything complete. the guy who will be the answer to my prayers. but i guess i was wrong..for if not..then why do these tears keep on falling?

i hate lies. it's kinda making the world a perfect abstract.

it's like planting a seed at the back of your home. time passes, it will spread its leaves, bring out flowers, then propagate. it looks so beautiful.. oh so beautiful. once you get amazed to it, you'll take care of it. give everything. sacrifice. then time passes by, the oh-so-beautiful thing you have will lift your home up and destroy everything.

i do not know what to believe anymore. BUT THERE'S ONE THING I HAVE IN MY HANDS. and i'll be surrendering it to you straight to the point:

we have something. you have something. just to be clear with the second sentence i mentioned, "you" pertains to the both of you. did i assume? i think not. you told me those words anyone would like to hear. i believed in you. the thing i am not aware of is that the uttered words were not for me..alone. i gathered primary data from the both of you. i am so sure of what i heard. Mr. He and Ms. She is certified inlove with each another..still in love. where must i put myself after knowing a fact? at the middle? near you? near her? or SHOULD I STILL HAVE TO PUT MYSELF IN THE PORTRAIT?

i must admit it. i fell.

now a decision has been made. i do not want to destroy anything. i never wanted to be something who will make your mind messy. you love her. she loves you. fine! fact accepted.

nothing to worry. you saw no evidence of pain. and you will still see nothing. for "I" is always here for me. simply telling, "if it is not him, then he's not. God have plans for you. the best is yet to come."

it is painful, indeed. but there's nothing i can do. letting go is not new to me. i think it's kinda hobby already =) i am happy for the both of you. i pray that the relationship you have will get better and better. no hard feelings =) i will always be here for the both of you.

you know me as Dr. Love. well, i have a better Doctor who is always there to touch my heart and heal the wounds. right God? =)

just like what i heard, "some times, you must allow yourself to loose in a battle for you to win a war."

have faith. and everything will be fine. finer the finest thing you can imagine. say "no" to worries! =))))

anong laro?

haaay. talo ako. natalo ako sa isang larong di ko naman talaga ninais na pauskin. pero eto ako ngayon, isang talunan. di na nadala. di na natuto. lagi na nga lang bang ganito??

sino nga ba kasi ang nagpasimuno ng larong to? kung sino man, pinili ko parin ang pumasok at makihalubilo. sa simula pa lang, sinigurado ko ng di ako papatalo. gumawa ako ng mga strategies para maachieve ang pagkapanalo ko. nagapaka safe player ako. ni-hindi nga ako pumusta e.... 'yun ang akala ko...

ngayong basa ang mga mata.. di mawari ang dahilan.. 

di ko alam kung bakit ko naisip na talo na ako.. samantalang yung kalaban ko walang kaalam-alam na panalo na siya...bka nga di niya rin alam na naglalaro na siya at ako ang kalaro niya.

di na talaga ako nadala. di na talaga ako natuto. sa lahat ng larong pwede kong salihan, bakit ito pa pinasok ko. 

walang dapat ibang sisihin, nagdesisyon ako ng di ko namamalayan. hindi ko tuloy nabasa ang mga patakaran. hindi ko tuloy nabasa ang batayan ng pagkapanalo at pagkatalo oras na matapos ang laban.

pero tapos na nga ba ang laban? wala na bang paraan para mabawi ko ang ipinusta ko? ang ipinusta kong pinakaiingat-ingatan ko? ang tanging meron ako? ang puso ko?

salamat at meron akong mga paa. dahil kahit na talo na, patuloy parin akong itinatayo sa lansangang tinatapkan ko.. humahakbang upang makaalis na sa lugar na ito... kung saan may mga larong di naman bagay ang isang manlalarong tulad ko -- ang tulad kong wala namang ibang alam na teknik kundi ang magmahal lang ng buo.

..FAITH is the name..

tomorrow is the start of my second and "last" semester.. with all the things i have done for the last semesters, i made a brick wall that hinder me from seeing myself walking on a red carpet and getting my diploma.. so i decided to post here my status in my Facebook account (http://www.facebook.com/dayedaye.siena) 

"all these things I can do for God is my strength..with Him, nothing is impossible..so this decision I lift to you.. now, I must worry no more.. just believe! have faith! He'll never leave me nor forsake me.. Whom shall I fear? God is with me!!!

second sem... HERE I COME! ♥ ♥ ♥"

..the purpose of that brick wall is for me to see what faith really is and to measure my potential and strength in breaking walls to get what i want!

what's within

now i am seeing the truth. and it really hurts.

sige na, kaw na. oo na. ikaw na ang isa sa mga bida. let's change position pra may thrill. you take mine and i'll take yours. ako na ang kontrabida. hapi?

ohhh. don't feel sad for me because i'm happy for you.. and for all of you, okay?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ewan ko. di ko alam. manhid ba? bulag? o sadyang walang pakielam.

sobrang naging dependent ako sa relationship na 'to because i thought this relationship would never end.. yet it's just the same as before. same scenarios. gayang-gaya nga e. carbon copy. wow. amazing! tama nga, history repeats itself. di ko naman pinapaulit, wala naman akong remote para i-rewind.. iniiwasan ko pa ngang maulit e kaya ginawa ko nga lahat. ewan ko na talaga.

forever is really just an ideal concept...there's no such thing as forever..

oooops! di ako galit. hindi ako galit. that thing you're feeling right in front of your face from what you can read between the lines is not anger but pain. yes, pain.

i'll be putting an assumption. hmmmmm. let me see....

once you read this, wow, heavy, i know how you'll feel. you'll never feel that you're guilty. wait, what i mean is, you'll pretend you're not guilty. you know deep down in your heart that you committed a mistake yet you'll just gonna bury it deep down there and let that ball of mistake bounce into your face 'till it hits me.

oookkkeeeeyyyy. fine. sige, sabihin na nating mali ang nakikita ko. sige ulit. papapaniwalain ko ang sarili ko sa mga sasabihin mong mali ako. aaaaat papapaniwalain ko ang sarili ko sa bagay na hindi ko nararamdaman. o, pasensya na a? un kasi ang nakikita ng mata at nadadama.

another assumption... hmmmmm. ah! etong linyang to, "haaay naku. wala na akong oras para sa pagiinarte mo" o teka.. dapat di mo isipin yan e. kaya nga ginagwa ko lahat para di mo masabe yan e. sa gantong paraan na nga lang, ano? nagiinarte pa rin ako. tsaka oo, alam ko, sino na nga lang ba ako sayo o sa inyo?? o pasensya ulit.

last assumption... wala lang. wala lang ang lahat. prang hangin lang na narmdaman pero di nakita.... at hahayaan nalang na umihip hanggang mapadpad sa kung saan man.

o, inuulit ko ha? hindi ako galit. hindi. kung mali pa rin ang sinabe kong to para sa'yo... sa inyo, siya sige, bahala kyo. basta what i am telling is.... anger is different from pain. spelling palang o, kitang kita na. kahulugan pa kaya.

hayaan niyo, huwag kayong mag-alala. matapos lang to, ang lahat ay tila isang palabas lamang na sabay nating pinanood, at iniyakan at tinawanan ng 3 oras. iba lang ng konti ang pinaka ending but almost the same. it's almost there. and i'm almost there.

..upset..

why is this happening? i always try my best to treasure all the relationships that i have right now because i do not want to mess up with anybody..because i want to show to everyone that i love them and my life would be in pieces without them. i always want them to feel that i am just within their reach no matter what, even though i am miles away from them or how busy i am. BUT TODAY, i feel like i do not deserve to be called a "friend", or even a "sister" maybe. i am really upset with myself. i didn't even notice that a friend of mine was missing. it really hurts because she is one of my sisters in Christ. now i do not know what to do. so ashamed of what i have done. what shall be accomplished now? ,,,know what i am thinking? list all the people i know and every sunset, i will look at my list and check if i ever saw them that day or if i ever had the guts to see whether they're doing fine or not. (*sigh) i am really sorry. from now on, i will add an additional effort on what i call "best" to maintain good relationship with every people i know.

God let this thing happen for me to see my mistakes and for that, i am really thankful. i am sorry if i wasn't able to be a good daughter to You because i am not taking good care of the all blessings that You have given. You showed me how irresponsible i am despite of all the opportunities that You're giving me -- opportunities that definitely made my dreams come true. i am really sorry Father.

1 Corinthians 12

²² In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. ²³And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, ²⁴ while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. ²⁵ This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.

pwede ba?

the day i want to forget everything i did. everything that happened. i wrote a song for her. i had special plans for her to show how sorry i was for how i acted. but everything was just on my mind. wala manlang akong nagawa ni-isa. even this song, i was not able to let her hear this.

[Saturday, ‎June ‎26, ‎2010, ‏‎12:42:41 PM]

"PWEDE BA?"

I.

Apat na taong pagsasama, sasayangin pa ba?

Sa lahat ng gawain tayong magkasama

Bawat tawanan, iyakan, itatapon na lang ba?

Pangarap at dalangin ko’y tinupad mo na

II.

Sa lahat ng bagay ay kahati ka

Kwento ng buhay ko’y saulo mo na

Turingan natin ‘di na kayang sukatin pa

Nagkalamat lang ‘to pero buo ‘di ba?

Chorus:

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Pwede pa nating makita

Pagsasamahang tila walang katapusan

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Ang nakaraan nating dalawa

Pagkakaibigan walang mas hihigit pa

III.

Sinubukan ko ang mag-isa, ‘di ko kinaya

Nakita ko lang akong lumuluha

Pati tuloy ang buhay mo nagulo ko na

Patawarin mo ko, ‘di ko ‘to sinasadya

IV.

Marami akong pagsasala, inaamin ko ‘yun

Pero ang buhay na wala ka,

Para sa’n pa ‘to?

Chorus:

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Pagsasamahang titibay pa

Pagsubok lang ‘to para sa’ting dalawa

Pwede pang maayos ‘di ba?

Pangako ko ba’y nalimot mo na?

Sabi ko sa’yo ‘di ka mag-iisa

Coda:

Takot akong mawala ka

Takot akong maramdamang iniwan mo na

Oras mo ay mabawasan

Takot akong mapunta ka sa iba

Chorus:

Pero alam mo mahal kita

Kung sa’n ka masaya, susuportahan kita

Kaligayahan niyong dalawa’y hinihiling ko na

Katotohanan aking tatanggapin

‘Wag lang mawala pagsasama natin

Pwede pa natin ‘to ayusin ‘di ba?

^{Proverbs 12:26}

A righteous man is cautious in friendship,

but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

ms. understood/ misunderstood

i know that i should never name myself that way.. but i don't wanna fool myself if that's what i feel. kahit man lang sana sa sarili ko maging totoo ako ng buong buo. i cannot remember the exact moment i started feeling this way -- that no one, as in no one, can ever fully understand me, except myself and God. by then i started talking to myself and to other things around me. kahit san basta not with people.

recently, i was broken. really. you know what my fear is. relationships always break me. kahit anong klasing relationship pa yan. not just boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. this time, just to be specific, friendship.

huli na nung nalaman ko why i reacted that way. i was enveloped with fear. think of this, they're all i have. tapos mawawala pa. felt that? the pain? the thing that brought me out of my mind? i made so many stupid stuffs. for the first time, sumuntok ako sa wall. i was hurt! pero wala yun sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.

everything started when i realized that a friend of mine can leave me because of her new special someone. until now, we haven't talked about that to clarify. and i can feel that we're still not totally okay. but our status now is absolutely better than the moment we were ignoring each other.

she didn't even bother to ask personally. then i knew, hindi pa pala talaga niya narerealize why i behaved that way before. wanna know my realizations? kahit kasi ako, huli na nung naintindihan ko yung sarili ko. not because i wanted to go with her that time she left me. and ABSOLUTELY not because ako wala pa e siya meron na. like what i said, knowing that the only thing you have will be snatched from you creates a deep wound. wound that cannot be healed. i am so scared na mawalan siya ng time for me (like what i can see and feel right now). i am so scared na kayang kaya na niya kong iwan o i-take for granted because she already have her someone. so para saan pa ako di ba? get it? or not? i understand if not. i always expect that way.

i never told her. and i am still planning not to tell her. for what? none sense. maybe i just have to remind myself with this all over again... 'immunity heals'.

Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.

T.T

you didn't know i cried. yes i did. while there was no light to break the darkness. how would you know? you were so busy. plus, the thing i hate most, you took me for granted because of their presence. but don't worry. got no hard feelings. i understand. immunity heals.

reflection paper in a rush!

dahil tamad akong tao, gumawa ako ng reflection paper ng hanggang 3 am. at ang pasahan ng paper ay 8:45am e may klase ako ng 7-8:45. haha! i will now share to you the result. ito na talaga 'yung pinasa ko. di ko na inedit para makita nating lahat ang mali ng rush n paper. hahaha.

Dianne S. Siena April 19, 2010

PSY1 – B2 Ms. Charmaine P. Galano

Perceived Self-Control

An individual’s self control greatly influences the other aspects of his/her life. Through this, we can identify who we are. We can also perceive how we respond to circumstances that may come our way. Self-control is connected with our thoughts and feelings, even the success and failure that we could have at hand. In addition to this, knowing what self-control is may be a tool for us to help other people.

I am the type of person who is deeply in love with music. I always assure that I do best in anything that is related to it. To prove this, I am part of the music team in our church and am one of the song leaders during worship services. I stand as the vocalist of our band and I also play instruments like the guitar. Because music includes songs, I consider myself as a songwriter. I am a part of the Wyre Underground of UPLB which is one of the dance groups here in our campus. I love to perform. I love the stage. Yet there are times that I lose self-confidence in doing such things. As a skill, I also think about myself as a joker who always brings laughter to people around me. I draw these shimmering smiles in their faces and that makes me happier. Though most of the time I really look stupid but it’s fine with me. As long as their happy and even just for a moment, I can help them forget the hardships that they have.

Passion is the word that is suitable to the things I have mentioned earlier. Doing these things I am good at makes me feel like walking on a bright endless road of happiness while hearing the most pleasing sounds of birds, trees, ocean and wind. It feels like I am embracing the person I love and I never want to let go. It is very fulfilling. I could even stop the clock and live at that moment forever. There is no weeping. Loneliness is certainly not in the picture. How I describe this kind of feelings reminds me of the moment I was singing in front of many people and I was able to see in their faces how glad they were listening to the music I am making. Also, I was reminded of the first time I let my friends hear the song I wrote which until now, they want me to sing it to them every time we are jamming together with my guitar.

On the other hand, of course, there are some things which I do not like but I am forced to do. The perfect example for me would by my academic works. With the past semesters, I noticed that I have been feeling so exhausted from all the things that I have to accomplish. Of course it is clear to me that everything that I am doing right now here in school are for my own sake but still, something inside me wants to give up. I feel like I just want to run away until I reach an empty space – no pressures, no works, nothing but myself. Crying is the first thing I want to do whenever I feel so tired and I am enveloped with so much pressure. Another example of this is following my instinct that my parents will not allow me to go to places I want to go, for instance is going to my godparent’s house just to visit and be with people I want to be with, that is why no matter how I desire to go there I cannot. I have to follow my parents and this gives me a feeling that everything is devastated.

The locus of control in which we view the things happening in our lives in two ways, due to our own hard works and due to our fate, helps us know ourselves better and aids us to become aware of what is nearly to happen as a result of how we behave right now. Between the two loci of control, I really cannot say if I have a hundred percent internal locus of control wherein I have a full control of my destiny or even a hundred percent sure that outside circumstances determine my fate or what they call external locus of control. I thought of some of reasons for this. I believe that all the things that I am doing right now serve as the addends that will give me the sum afterwards. Life is full of choices and it is always up to me which road to take. I also believe in the saying “What you reap is what you sow”. Planting an apple tree will not give me oranges at the time of harvest. Nevertheless, there are instances that I say, “If that’s what is meant to happen then let it happen”. This shows me of being dependent on destiny and not on my own doings. In this case, I consider the religious teachings – that God had already written the best story of my life and I always want His will to happen. If I will balance these loci of control, I may be more of the internal one. Let us take problems as an example. No one can totally avoid problems. It is part of our lives and God had already included these in our journey, yet, Him as the Architect of our lives, He included various paths. Because of the actions we do and the paths we decide to take, we can make these problems as easy or as difficult as it could.

When it seems that we already learned to let go of the strength that we have because of experiencing numerous terrible things in life and we feel that we can never have the possibility of changing these things, by now it is easier for us to understand what learned helplessness is. I think all of us have a time in our lives of feeling this way. And the best example I suppose is the most talked about topic of all time – love.

For the past years I have felt of falling in love, I just realized that those experiences were written with similar finale and those were not the happily-ever-after one for sure. It seems that no matter what I do, the relationships always end up me being left behind. Because of these repeated circumstances, I have decided to leave this part of my life for now and I even try to avoid it whenever I feel someone is trying to unlock my love life. I know that deep inside of me, there is a deep wound that is so hard to cure. This wound affects me to a great extent that it made me become a stranger to myself. This stranger before was someone who easily gives trust to every person she meets and who is free from fear of being left behind.

Self-control opened my eyes to some realizations. I was able to look at myself and know myself better. With the gained knowledge, I can now help myself to deal with a number of experiences that are yet to come. Plus, I can say that I am more prepared to give a helping hand to people who need my help or advices.

1-4-3 vs 5-4 :D

[ang topic na ito ay natutunan ko sa prof ko sa Psychology ngayong summer'10 na itatago ko na lamang sa pangalan na Ma'am Charm :) ...fun!]

Alin sa dalawa ang mas madalas mong gamitin/sabihin - 'i love you' o 'mahal kita'? Siguro kalimitan sa'tin, 'I love you' 'yung sagot. PERO alam mo ba na mas masarap pakinggan at sabihin ang 'mahal kita'? Nagpapahiwatig ito ng mas malalim na damdamin ng isang tao, nagpapakita ng mas wagas na kahulugan at nagpapahayag ng mas matinding pagmamahal para sa sinasabihan.

Sa 'i love you', i 'yung unang ginamit na salita. Pangalawa lang 'yung salitang love at huli 'yung you. Ang unang salita sa bawat pangungusap o sinasabi ng isang tao ay ang tumatanggap ng pinakamataas na antas na pagpapahalaga ng sumambit. Ibig sabihin, ang sarili ang pinakaimportante sa 'i love you', pangalawa lang ang nararamdaman, at huli ang taong sinasabihan. Mas inuuna pa ng taong sumambit ang kanyang sarili kaysa sa anu/sinupaman.

Ano namang mapapansin mong kakaiba sa pagsasalin ng 'i love you' sa tagalog? Wala ang salitang ako na katumbas ng i. Wala din ang salitang ikaw na katumbas ng you. Nasa unahan ang salitang mahal na nagpapakita na mas binibigyang prayoridad ang damdamin ng nagsasalita. Ang salitang kita naman ay resulta ng i + u. Nangangahulugang ang ikaw at ako ay pinagsama na at 'di na maaaring paghiwalayin pa.

hahaha.. o 'di ba ang galing? 'Di ko akalain na nakikinig din pala ako sa klase :) basta, nasisiyahan talaga ako sa klase kong 'to. Kasama ko pa ang malalapit kong kaibigan. Alam kong marami pa akong matututunan sa Psychology at ibabahagi ko lagi ito sa inyo :)

[share ko lang din] Kanina tinanong kami kung ano ang 5 una naming gagawin kung mayroon kaming super powers na kaya naming gawin ang kahit ano. Sa sobrang dami ng pwedeng isagot, ito ang naisulat ko sa papel ko:

1. lumipad,
2. pumunta sa mga lugar kung saan nandoon ang mga taong gusto kong makasama,
3. tulungan ang lahat ng taong nangangailangan, AT...........
4. lahat ng sinulat at ginusto ng mga kamag-aral ko.

hahahahaha...

12"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? ¹³And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. ¹⁴In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost. Matthew 18:11-14

Resulta ng walang tulog...

Sa 'di ko malamang dahilan, 'di ako nakatulog. Lumipat na ako ng higaan, wa epek. Tinutok ko na sakin ung malakas na fan, wa epek. Naglagay na ko ng unan sa paa, wa epek. Nagtakip nko ng unan sa mukha, wa epek. Nilagay ko na ang paa ko malapit sa ulo ko, wa epek. Bumaligtad ng posisyon, wa epek pa rin. Aba naman! Kulang nalang e kumuha ako ng dos por dos para ihamapas sa ulo ko at sabihing wa epek parin! Wala na akong nagawa. Pagtingin ko kasi sa binatana namin, sumisilip na ang liwanag na mula sa kalangitan, hudyat na kailangan ko nang bumangon at maligo. Maaga pa kasi ang simba. Sa totoo lang, di naman ganun kaaga, pero kasi ang layo ko. Umaabot ng dalawang oras ang biyahe at ayaw ko namang mahuli. Hindi ganun ang turo sa amin. Naligo ako at nahilo. Naririnig ko ang malakas na base drum s dibdib ko. 'Di ako kumain. Naubos ang oras ko s pagpili ng damit at paglagay ng achuchereche s muka ko. Wala kasing tulog kaya naisip ko mukha akong kakabangon lang sa lupa. Pagdating ko sa simbahan, di ko pa nabababa ang gamit ko e pinakakanta na agad ako. Naku! Gusto ko mang gawin, 'di ko kinaya. Wala akong tulog kaya inaatake nanaman ako ng pagduduwal ko. Sabi ng marami, anemic daw ako. E bata palang ako ganito na ako. Prep palang nraramdaman ko na to -- pag naeexcite, kinakabahan, masyadong masaya, masyadong madaldal, tawa ng tawa. Gnun. Pero thank God nawala din matapos akong magduduwal sa cr ng walang nakakaalam.

Anu nga bang dahilang bakit may mga taong di makatulog? Nag isip ako kahit sabi ng mga kaibigan ko e bungo lang ang meron ako at walang isip [lokohan namin yun parati].

• Gaya ng laging sinasabi ng marami, may nagiisip sa isang tao kaya di siya makatulog. Pwedeng dahil pinagpapantasyahan siya, o kaya may binasted siya, o kaya may gustong sabihin sa kanya kaya masyadong siyang iniisip, o kaya may nakakamiss sa kanya, o kaya mahal siya nung taong nagiisip sa kanya, o kaya pinagiisipan siya ng masama, o kaya naman e may kinauutangan siya.
• Dahilan din na siya naman ang maraming iniisip. Pwedeng dahil may pinagpapantasyahan siya, may gusto siyang bastedin at di niya alam kung panu sabihin o gawin, may namimiss siya, may lihim na minamahal, may pinagiisipan ng masama, o kaya naman e may gustong utangan.
• May tao namang sadyang emotera/emotero lang. Matutulog nalang at lahat-lahat, iisip pa ng mga bagay na makakpagbuhos ng kanyang mga luha. Isama pa 'yung sipon. 'Yung iba naman, problema na ng iba poproblemahin pa niya. Minsan trip lang. Masabing may thrill manlang ang buhay niya at di boring. Pero meron din namang seryoso ang pageemote. Taong lihim na nasakatan at nagsasarili ng mga nararamdaman. Marahil takot na di maintindihan ng mga taong di naman talaga siya kayang intindihin. Tapos di ka na nga naiintindihan, dami pang side comments at violent reactions.
• Meron namang mga taong hindi makatulog dahil may pinagdadaanan siya. marahil ay may nangyari sa mga nakaraan niya na sadyang nakakatakot, dahilan para hindi siya makatulog. na-trauma kumbaga. sabayan pa ito ng mga masasamang balitang naririnig at nababasa niya mula sa telebisyon, radyo o internet. dahil sa takot, hinihintay nalang nilang sumikat ang araw para maramdaman nila na ligtas na ang kapaligiran. kawawa naman sila. ang dibdib nila ay umaapaw sa kaba. sana lang hindi sila ma-nervous breakdown.
• Masyado nang laganap ang teknolohiya sa ngayon. Ito panigurado madalas dahilan ng 'di makatulog. May mga tao kasing gusto nang matulog pero kating-kati s pagtetext o pagkokompyuter. May iba pupunta s blogsite at mgpopost ng kung anu-ano tungkol sa mga taong 'di makatulog. Meron namang naghihintay ng text. 'Di na mahalaga kung importante o hindi ang mensahe, kahit nga ''ok'' n reply lang hinihintay pa e. Baka kasi magalit si katext, lalo pa't si juwa ang katext.

Sa dami ng nasabi ko, alin nga ba yung akin? Naisip ko lang. Panu ko nga ba 'to nasabi ng ganito kadetalye???

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

No matter which path we are travelling on, we must always put God first in our hearts. Let's trust Him in everything that we do and we have. We are weak and we cannot do anything without Him. Do not be ashamed of asking help from Him. That's what He wants because that's a way of being close to Him. Any burdens that we have, resulting to sleepless nights, let's lift them all to Him. Trust Him and let Him lead the way. Putting all these in His Hands means forgetting about worries and pains. All we have to do is have faith and wait for His plans for us -- plans that will answer all our prayers. Maybe not that as exact as how we wanted things to happen, but for sure that's the best for us. Just be patient enough.

my first..

this is my first entry and i really don't know where to start..

nalaman ko lang tong site n to dahil kay Tito Melvin [wow.. special mention.. tito ko xa pero ka-age ko lang din sya.. bale kc ung tatay nya e kapatid ng tatay ng nanay ko.. hahaha.. =D]

i hope i could really enjoy putting my thoughts and secrets [if i have the courage to reveal them here..] in this site.. and i also hope that you'll gonna enjoy reading them...

anu nga bang mga lalagay ko dito? sana naman di puro about s puso ang mailagay ko.. haha! boring man, mgpopost ako ng mga nangyari skin s buong araw, or week. wala naman kasi ako lagi dito sa bahay para mkapgonline. weekends mostly. weekdays kasi nsa LB ako for studies. so ayun!

i know my entries will help me realize lots of things and know what my mistakes are. sana matulungan ko rin kayo. i love to!