I can still see it clearly....
Few months ago, I had a dream. I woke up catching my breath. My friend who was sleeping beside me tried to wake me up too, thinking that I was having a hard time breathing while I was asleep. She got frightened actually. When I opened my eyes, I was confused. It seemed like my dream was real. Thank God it's not.
I saw my kuya dying in front of me. I still have everything in my mind. I can still remember all the details. I can still hear what everyone was saying before, during and after the incident. It was horrible. My fear was stabbing me hundreds or thousands of times, over and over again.
Catching my breath as I opened my eyes, I don't know what to do. My friend was trying to ask me, or was she saying something? I can't remember. I was so focused on what I have seen. Again, I closed my eyes. I woke up breathless 'cause I was doing the same thing in my dream. So similar that I felt real tears flowing from my eyes. I grabbed my phone, searched for his number and tried to send him a message. I failed for I was blinded by my tears. I calmed down and did everything to contact him -- sent him a text messages, left him a Facebook message, sent his wife a message. I gaped.
I pushed myself to forget. I comforted myself. I watched a TV show with my friend. I put my attention to other things. I tried talking. The whole day I was crying. I waited for replies until the afternoon. Just before the sun set, he did. But still, I just can't get over it.... until now.
Two days ago, I saw him. With all excitement I hid inside, I wanted to cry out loud as he imprisoned me with his arms. I melted. Overjoyed. Overwhelmed.
Sad we were not able to bond so long, just few hours maybe. No long stories. No sacks of jokes to laugh at. No chasing and tickling until we both run out of breath. No food tripping. No massaging of forehead 'til I fall asleep in his arms. But I don't care! To see him and to touch him is enough. I already have all the joys in the world at the moment. Priceless.
The moment he had to leave my side the other day was like... *sigh* I really wanted to stop him. I wanted to ask, "Could you please stay for just one night?" or "Could I just go with you?" I hugged him so tight and kissed his chicks, letting all my emotions flow into his body, letting him feel how happy I am to see him once again. Well, hope he felt it. Seeing him slowly going far makes my heart beat slower and slower, wishing I could have spent longer time with him. Lucky I was able to pull back my tears.... not like now.
Whenever the memory of that dream flies back, I can't help but shed tears from my eyes. Uhmm, I'm sorry. But writing this and reading this really makes swim in my tears. I don't want it to happen. Not so soon. We'll still see each other and do crazy stuffs 'til our hairs turn gray, right?
Kuya Dong, I love you so much. I am so happy to see you again. Please do take care always, even not for me, but for your family, especially for the baby inside ate's tummy. Can't wait to see your child! I miss you and I always look forward to having lots of quality time with you and ate and kuya and ninang and your baby. ^^.) I'm so happy seeing you happy and continuously going up the ladder of success. Stay positive. I miss you so much. God bless!
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